Pardon me if this comes off a bit awkward, but this moment is very surreal to me. Not that I ever thought about his actual death, but were I to do so, I would have ventured it'd be at least 20 or so more years down the line. I mean, it's Michael Jackson. The largest music icon ever.

Sidebar Tangent: Because the news put it out there yesterday, I will make a brief comment. To suggest, that Elvis Presley was anywhere near Michael Jackson is laughable at best. We're talking about a person who has been in the industry for about, oh, 45 years or so. Someone who literally changed the music industry with ingenuity and an individualism that will never again be seen. Everything from fashion to the way the video is done can be owed to his influence, and dare I say, he and his brothers were the original blue print for the boy band (New Edition Spawned NKOTB, who spawned Backstreet Boys, N Sync, and so on...) Elvis, though talented, ripped off an art form from artists that weren't accepted across color lines and sold it as his own brand. For that, he was dubbed the king of something he wasn't the originator or clear best of. Nobody could ever doubt Michael's dominance at his peak, selling 40 million plus off of Thriller alone...the dude was a Titan among men, and everybody that came after him was able to benefit from what he did...period.

So, I'm at a loss...because I grew up with Michael Jackson. I remember when he did the "Moonwalk" (originally called the backslide) at the AMA's Motown 25; I remember watching Thriller and the Making of Thriller (and the big event leading up to and around it for that matter), and how big it was to watch him in the make up chair, and see the behind the scenes footage and effects. I remember the "Moonwalker" short movie, and having a coat with the Michael Jackson iron-on patch because nobody would buy me the "Thriller" or "Billie Jean" jacket (or the "Beat It" one). I remember my baby sitter contending that Off the Wall was a better album than Thriller was, and me being unfamiliar with that album, therefore unable to relate. Then, getting older, and being able to see her point of view. I also realize that my baby sitter actually grew up with Michael--the boy entertainer.

Michael literally touched every generation. My grandparents like and appreciated his music, either when he was a child, and or on into the 1980's. My parents generation came of age with him, if not a bit older than him, he was no less than a younger sibling. I grew up imitating his dance moves. My oldest nephew owns his 2-disc CD set of greatest hits, and played it adnausium.

Even though Michael had his share of issues towards the latter part of his life that many thought unsavory, he was still family. He had been in our homes before we were, he was that distant relative that we cheered for, that made us proud and represented what we wanted to become to some degree...happy and successful. Even though we never met him (most of us, anyway), we knew him. Truly. And suddenly, I get a call on the subway that he's gone. No warning, no build up. I didn't even no he had a heart attack--I mean, I keep MSN on my computer all day, and I saw the news on Farrah Fawcett (R.I.P.); and the WashingtonPost.com website didn't mention anything up until I locked my computer to go home.

There was no preparation for this. No chance to say that he lived a full life. And it feels kind of sad that he didn't get a chance to repair his image, which had been so damaged by scandal as of late.

So now, watching the Wiz will be a sad affair in some ways, listening to "Rock With You" will be celebratory, but sad as well. This is bigger than the last few presidents who have dies, because Micheal's success and talent knew no borders. His energy permeated Iron Curtains and the Berlin Wall. He made us want to heal the world by showing us We Are the World. I wish I had the words to say more, but I will simply say this: Prayers go out to all of those affected by his loss, especially close friends, immediate family, and most, his children. It is my hope that wherever Michael is now, that he has found the peace that seemed to elude him through the course of his life. Long live the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Icon. Legend. Human Being.

Michael Jackson. Legend. No words will suffice. All I can say is thank you for letting the world see your talent.

She always sat
Just out of reach of my mind’s eye sight
And just beyond my imagination’s ability
To conjure pictures of her
So she neither existed in the present
Nor within the recesses of my memory
Yet she would shine brilliantly at a distance
A strong notion of everything I wanted
But nothing indicated clearly or vividly enough to grasp
More so an idea of the energy she’d emit as opposed to the tone of her skin
Or the fullness of her laugh
Yet she was something I had to have
And she was what I would focus on
A translucent ball of wonder
For me to lay under
Almost.
Kind of.
Specific.
Yet nothing explicit enough to let me know who she was were I to meet her.
I figured I knew enough of what she was
Yet I couldn’t tell you anything about her physical features
I just know
Sort of,
What I want her to have
From waist to bust to assest
To other menial facets that most wouldn’t take time to fathom
This,
Daughter of Eve of mother of Adam
Became my obsession
Yet the only question I had, was when I would see her
Never really considering that we may have already met
And if so,
How much of the fantasy would I have to forget?
Was I more concerned with this than reality,
And am I the maker of my own lonely maladies?
The question, plain as day
Do we set to many standards to the point where we get in the way?
Do we try to make love accommodate our itinerary?
Are our expectations of self to low and others too contrary?
Are we chasing a dream because reality is too scary?
How much of our personal growth and development are we harming
As we pursue our view of Prince or Princess Charming?

Man, I don’t know why I’ve been waking up famished as of late, but this is ridiculous. I mean, I’ve been doing pretty well as of late, eating 3 meals a day when I typically do 2, (sometimes skate by on 1 and eat a little to hold me over). But dude, I went to sleep last night fine, and woke up like I hadn’t eaten in forever. Yesterday, after I ate breakfast, it felt like I hadn’t eaten anything at all. I was still hungry! WTF?!

Oh, acronyms…yeah, not a fan, but I’m trying to be a bit more mindful about gratuitous profanity—although I still don’t know who gets to say what words are profane and why. But I digress.

This week is taking forever to pass by. I can’t wait, because next week is a short week because of the July 4th weekend, and I’m taking off the following Monday just in case I haven’t recovered from the running around over the holiday weekend. Still nothing really on that new story I started. I know where I want to go, but I’m not sure on how to get there yet. I have been reading a bit more to hopefully spur my imagination a bit more. Currently reading the Hobbit, and I’m already more than a 1/3 of the way through. It's interesting reading the Hobbit having seen the Lord of the Rings (LOTR) trilogy, because I now have the voices of the characters in my head as I read it. Especially Gollum, which was/is fun to read, although he/it played a pretty small role in this tale to date.

I’m pretty much only reading on the train commute to and from work, so, that ain’t bad considering I started about two weeks ago. Sometimes I read slowly because my mind begins to wonder and or wander; wonder what if so and so did this instead odf that, and wander to what I need to do, what I’ve done, etc. I guess you can call it ADD, but I am not claiming that.

I am claiming right now, for all to see, that the remainder of 2009 will be extremely prosperous for myself, AND I hope and pray it is for every eye that reads this. So when the blessings begin to roll in, remember to throw some back this way, ya dig?

I wish I had something more to give you
Something more to say
But whatever I said would probably seem trivial anyway


So, I give you me; for whatever it's worth. I'm trying to find that groove still (what's new, right?), so I've taken to reading other people's works to hopefully coax myself into writing more consistently (which typically I am directly opposed to). I just finished up Toni Morrison's 'The Bluest Eye', and I just picked up Tolkien's 'The Hobbit', which I started on more than one occasion (and borrowed from my cousin what must be ages ago), but never got past the first few pages. Ironically, I see my style of writing in both of their writing styles, which I guess is encouraging.

I'm hoping I can pick up some freelance writing credentials over the next few months, you know, to get some extra scratch and hone the craft. I'm looking for op-ed pieces (primarily; something I can rant about without paying too much attention to form), as my writing is so far beyond proper editorial standards right now. But, I think that's part of what attracts people to my writing--it's conversational, thereby relateable by extension (or something like that--as Droopy (fellow poet, not the animated dog) would say).

Huh. I'm thinking the story I started may actually grow some legs. I'm hoping to get a bit of writing in between Friday evening and Saturday. If I can eek out another chapter (maybe two), I'd be extremely happy. Aside from that, it's summer time...it must be...because I'm looking at every cutie with a booty :) I used to be way more focused and disciplined. I don't know what the heck happened. I mean, I do handle my responibilities, but that's all I'm really doing right now. No extracurricular activities to speak of for now. I am going to get it together. That's my word. Now, the real question I have to ask is: when?

Side Observation: I've noticed the trademark humor that was the hallmark of this journal has kinda gone missing...it wasn't forced, it was me being me. Have I gotten too serious, has life been that 'simple', or am I simply neglecting to recount the silly moments I used to place in here all the time? Probably a miz of the three. Have to work on that...

This weekend was a good look. I didn’t do a thousand things, but it was productive and enjoyable. Knocked out the first chapter for this story I’ve had on my brain for a while now. Got a little X Box 360 in. Saw a couple of movies with a couple of cool ladies. Got my cultural enrichment on by touring through of the Smithsonian museums (which I haven't been through (with the exception of the Jim Henson exhibit) prolly since I was a little shorty). Funny, the dinosaurs didn't look nearly as large as they did when I was little. Overall, this weekend rocked. Good stuff.