Life has been a truly interesting experience for me as of late. By simply allowing myself to open up a little bit, I feel things are open to me a bit more. Like opportunity; gotta love that. I saw this very interesting exchange between three young black kids (I'm thinking high school age) on the subway about a month and a half ago for instance. Now here, we have a young dude who is conflicted, and we have his two friends who aren't clowning him, but giving him advice beyond their years.

Basically, the one guy was having an inner conflict because he felt he wanted to write when he grew up, and the other two were saying things like, "...well, that's great, because now you've identified what you really want to do, now all you have to do is do it" Or, "...there's no invisible field that's preventing you from doing what you want to do, your fear (self doubt) of failure is going to prevent you from doing what you want to do if you let it."

I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the drift. Point is, they were extremely efficient at identifying their friend's hang ups and articulating solutions. I felt proud of those young men for that, and it was also something that was playing out in my mind to an extent almost verbatim. My thing has been though, I didn't really know which direction I wanted to take, drawing, writing, the professional road, etc.

Just really giving this dude sage advice, so much so that I felt compelled to chime in. I pretty much said if you want to write, write, there's nothing preventing you from starting that right now. Go home, start up a free blog, and start writing.

I could have driven home their point by telling them where I was with it, but it wasn't about me. Besides, I thought they were doing an excellent job already. I just know from experience, you sometimes respond to something someone close may be telling you if you hear it from somebody who isn't a part of the fold, so to speak.

On other notes, I'm still trying to work on becoming a better communicator, and trying to become more transparent. Even though I say things as raw as they can be said (sometimes, not as much as I used to), it still manages to raise questions. I'm learning how to be more cushy with my words, I guess. Handle people's feelings while still driving my perspective home. I've gotten pretty damn good at this in the work environment actually, but still need it in social situations where I feel more free to speak without having to be so damn P.C. all the time.

I guess I can finally come out and say that I'm really digging this young lady right now. Like, she snuck up on me; I've never had somebody get into my system so quickly in my adult life. Instead of fighting it though, or trying to slow it down, I'm simply rolling with it and trying to see where it leads me. She's a really good look for me because she's very intelligent with her own set of beliefs and values that don't necessarily agree with mine, yet don't conflict with them either. It also doesn't hurt that times stops sometimes when she smiles for me, as when she does, it's often apologetically self indulgent...genuine.

Shorty is fine and fly, but I'm really digging the fact that I'm not counting the seconds when we talk on the phone, because I am NOT a phone person. If I can constantly stay on the phone with you for more than an hour, than you have pulled off a miracle. I won't say a small miracle because who am I to diminish the status or value of a miracle? It is what it is. We are still learning each other, but either way it goes, I think I've just picked up a good friend.

...I was wondering whether or not I should go there, but hell, when have I ever held back the realness here? This leads me to question exactly where I am going with prior friendships that may have become murky due to no clear definition as to what we are. More specifically, friends that I care for that are friends, but could feel a way about me and just not have expressed it. I don't know, I am a habitual flirt, even when I have no intention of following through. It's fun, and I hate to be out of practice.

Just saying, I've actually lost friend's who took it personal when I told them I was going to try and see what was up with someone in particular a while back. I didn't do it to hurt them, I did it it out of respect for all parties, and to make sure it was known. My problem has been in the past, I kind of make friends that are friends and potential girlfriends. I see that now. I don't sell anything, or make any promises, but my nature around women that I genuinely like and care for I think is assuring in that boyfriend way, even if I don't expressly mean it to be.

But dude, I have to tread lightly, last time I created a lot of collateral damage unnecessarily by forewarning people about something that didn't even pan out. I think this time around, I'll let things happen as they will and just be open about it in the process. Gotta love it.

PS - To clarify, this doesn't mean I'm going to play any games or anything like that. It just means I'm going to respectfully draw lines as things are further defined.
One.

So, uh, yeah, it’s been a sec since my last entry. Wow. Look at that. Well, not much to really report. Just working the 9- 5 (technically 8-5, but I digress) thing, and trying to enjoy life a bit more.

As I type this, I’m fricking starving because I tried to stagger my morning arrival (going out to kick it with a lady friend) and completely misjudged the time. On top of that, the train decided it wanted to wait at every other platform from anywhere between 30 – 90 seconds.

Meaning, the staff-wide monthly meeting had to be my first stop, meaning I didn’t get a chance to go through my emails first to see if anything pertinent was waiting for me. Meaning, I missed breakfast, which is why I’m hungry as hell AS I type this.
On another note, my sister’s skate party was pretty darn fun. I didn’t fall at all, there was a plethora that’s right, damnit) of good food, and a decent turn out.

Would have been nice if more folks skated, but hey, I had fun. The only blow was that I made this 80’s playlist specifically for my sister, knowing what she liked, and also keeping in mind tempo, etc. The “DJ”, who was the most non-hio hop dude ever, took it upon himself to deviate from the list and play stuff that just didn’t work.

Now, when he played Heavy D, I was like, cool. And when he played Kool Moe Dee, I was like, cool. But when he played Moe Dee again, and Rakim twice, and decided to play En Vogue, Montell Jordan & Wrecks in Effect, which were all clearly 90’s artists…I had a problem. Granted, En Vogue dropped in late 80’s, but what he played was 90’s. Wack! So, Tears for Fears, Wham! & Rob Base (just to name a few) didn’t get run because DJ “I-don’t-have-anything-from-the-80’s-so-could-you-make-a-playlist-please?” wanted to add his two cents in. How do you work at a skating rink and not have anything from the 80’s? Seriously? Seriously?!

The playlist I made was numbered, sectioned and sequenced, all he had to do was press play. *sigh*

But the food was good. And I have to give it up to big sis, she really did go all out. She had all this old school candy like ring pops, big league chew, candy cigarettes, etc. Very nostalgic. Rest of the weekend was pretty much chilling with baby brother. Restful and low key. It was a good look.

This past weekend was really what the doctor ordered. Friday was a movie date followed by a quick drink at a nearby establishment before calling it a night. Saturday was a cookout with family, seeing folks I hadn’t seen in a while, in some cases, years. Sunday was chill mode in full effect. When I tell you all I needed was an umbrella drink or a brew on my couch yesterday, man—whew! Breeze was coming through just right. I don’t even drink like that, but that would have been a great time to have a frosty liquored beverage. Yessir!.

Anywho, Star Trek was rather entertaining. And while I don’t know how many pre-adventures they can sneak in before it seems gratuitous and self-indulgent, I have to believe we’re gonna get at least one more outta that cast, which was put together very well, I might add. The plot wasn’t the strongest to be honest, but all the fun was in seeing the classic characters from when they were young. It was quite entertaining. Also got to see the Transformers and G.I. Joe trailers, which had me geeking. I am a bit skeptical about the Transformers sequel, but the latter trailer still doesn’t have a high level of expectation for me. I just want to go and see some action, and hopefully, I’ll hear Cobra Commander yell “Cobra” like in the cartoons!

Also, while waiting for my movie to start, I wrote down this quick little poem that is now entitled “Amen Corner” (formerly China Town Blues). If I remember to, I’ll post the poem in my journal so you can read it. Nothing life changing or grand, just good to be writing.

I can’t wait for this weekend. Get a chance to unwind, and hoping to see a lot of people and listen to some good music.

What do you do when you dig someone?
But they don’t want you like you want them?
Now here’s a situation that I can’t run from
Cause that’s a situation that I did come from
Last time I played cool as ice and I let it slide
Gambled with my heart, and I let it ride
Feelin’ Feisty now, I don’t wanna let it die
If yot the game wrong you gon’ do it till you get it right
They say life’s a bitch, and love bites hard
Never trusted fate, I leave my faith in God
If I’ve been fucked over, can’t tell it you my squad
Cause I’m half the reason that my heart is scarred
Had a good woman, wasn’t ready for the charge
I gambled with her heart and she pulled my card
So I know about love, but only cause I’ve been there
I’d learned at a young age that love ain’t never been fair
So while yo head’s in the clouds, breathing in that thin air
Thinking love is yours, but you’re just paying rent there
So I’m not tryna be a gangsta, don’t wanna be a G
Truth be told it’s hard enough being me
Working in a job that could give a damn about me
More than half my life rhymin’, and haters still doubt me
But I ain’t salty, cause I did so too
But they never knew what I did go through
Take me as weak when there’s a beast inside my rib cage
Got enough blood for four days to keep my d*ck straight
Why your groupies got your head gassed off that mid grade
I’m sipping premium listening to mix tapes
Like damn Lee, they must not know
Make me wonder, God, how hard, must I go?
So this is just a quick view inside my mess
The prob with my position is I know I’m blessed
But I got sidetracked, so I digress
Back to this girl who has my attention
And has ya boy open like HVAC ventin’
Matter fact, I won’t finish this sentence
Or my thought, you musta caught me trippin’