Life has been a truly interesting experience for me as of late. By simply allowing myself to open up a little bit, I feel things are open to me a bit more. Like opportunity; gotta love that. I saw this very interesting exchange between three young black kids (I'm thinking high school age) on the subway about a month and a half ago for instance. Now here, we have a young dude who is conflicted, and we have his two friends who aren't clowning him, but giving him advice beyond their years.

Basically, the one guy was having an inner conflict because he felt he wanted to write when he grew up, and the other two were saying things like, "...well, that's great, because now you've identified what you really want to do, now all you have to do is do it" Or, "...there's no invisible field that's preventing you from doing what you want to do, your fear (self doubt) of failure is going to prevent you from doing what you want to do if you let it."

I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the drift. Point is, they were extremely efficient at identifying their friend's hang ups and articulating solutions. I felt proud of those young men for that, and it was also something that was playing out in my mind to an extent almost verbatim. My thing has been though, I didn't really know which direction I wanted to take, drawing, writing, the professional road, etc.

Just really giving this dude sage advice, so much so that I felt compelled to chime in. I pretty much said if you want to write, write, there's nothing preventing you from starting that right now. Go home, start up a free blog, and start writing.

I could have driven home their point by telling them where I was with it, but it wasn't about me. Besides, I thought they were doing an excellent job already. I just know from experience, you sometimes respond to something someone close may be telling you if you hear it from somebody who isn't a part of the fold, so to speak.

On other notes, I'm still trying to work on becoming a better communicator, and trying to become more transparent. Even though I say things as raw as they can be said (sometimes, not as much as I used to), it still manages to raise questions. I'm learning how to be more cushy with my words, I guess. Handle people's feelings while still driving my perspective home. I've gotten pretty damn good at this in the work environment actually, but still need it in social situations where I feel more free to speak without having to be so damn P.C. all the time.

I guess I can finally come out and say that I'm really digging this young lady right now. Like, she snuck up on me; I've never had somebody get into my system so quickly in my adult life. Instead of fighting it though, or trying to slow it down, I'm simply rolling with it and trying to see where it leads me. She's a really good look for me because she's very intelligent with her own set of beliefs and values that don't necessarily agree with mine, yet don't conflict with them either. It also doesn't hurt that times stops sometimes when she smiles for me, as when she does, it's often apologetically self indulgent...genuine.

Shorty is fine and fly, but I'm really digging the fact that I'm not counting the seconds when we talk on the phone, because I am NOT a phone person. If I can constantly stay on the phone with you for more than an hour, than you have pulled off a miracle. I won't say a small miracle because who am I to diminish the status or value of a miracle? It is what it is. We are still learning each other, but either way it goes, I think I've just picked up a good friend.

...I was wondering whether or not I should go there, but hell, when have I ever held back the realness here? This leads me to question exactly where I am going with prior friendships that may have become murky due to no clear definition as to what we are. More specifically, friends that I care for that are friends, but could feel a way about me and just not have expressed it. I don't know, I am a habitual flirt, even when I have no intention of following through. It's fun, and I hate to be out of practice.

Just saying, I've actually lost friend's who took it personal when I told them I was going to try and see what was up with someone in particular a while back. I didn't do it to hurt them, I did it it out of respect for all parties, and to make sure it was known. My problem has been in the past, I kind of make friends that are friends and potential girlfriends. I see that now. I don't sell anything, or make any promises, but my nature around women that I genuinely like and care for I think is assuring in that boyfriend way, even if I don't expressly mean it to be.

But dude, I have to tread lightly, last time I created a lot of collateral damage unnecessarily by forewarning people about something that didn't even pan out. I think this time around, I'll let things happen as they will and just be open about it in the process. Gotta love it.

PS - To clarify, this doesn't mean I'm going to play any games or anything like that. It just means I'm going to respectfully draw lines as things are further defined.
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