I know...you don't have to tell me...it's been a long time. I know, I know. In all honesty, the main reason I haven't posted anything is because I wanted to have something profound to write. But, how am I to know whether or not it's profound until I write it? For those who don't know, this is my 499th post in this journal. I have posted a lot of my life in this thing, and I wanted the 500 entry to be memorable. But, you know what, I think the important thing is that I write. So, let it be known that I’m going to slowly getting back into the swing of things.
Let us see, what can I report? Oh! I was tremendously inspired this weekend when I saw the Po-Emcees & the 5th L do their thing up in Baltimore. It was good to see those cats, as I’ve been out of the loop for a long time. Also got a chance to see Love the Poet rock for the 1st time, who did her thing quite nicely. Also, Simba and Ad-Lib were in the house, not to mention this ill beat boxer named Shodekei (I probably misspelled the hell out of that). Dude was nasty! Not like Rahzel nasty, but to even mention him in the same breath, should clue you in on how ill he is. Chuck the Mad Ox was there as well, who is also a dope beat boxer in his own right.
So, the illest part of the night for me was when both Chuck and Shodekei did their thing at the same time while all of the nights performer’s freestyled. An idea hatched out of the mind of the Dri Fish.
Of course, Patrick aka Black Picasso got on me for not getting up to rep ‘n all, and in truth, he was right. I just wasn’t in the sprit of performing. I really just wanted to sit and see a good show. The night was that much better because I went to said function with the homegirl Nova and my sister Traci. As many late night runs to poetry shows as I’ve been on, I’ve never been on one with either, so that was cool in itself.
I think that helped me go into the studio the next day with a little more purpose. My secret apprehension with rhyming has been that my lyrics may not need to be where they need to be…but, that’s not the case. What it is, is that I am not an aggressive artist. I’m not aggressive artistically because I am not aggressive by nature. I am always thinking about how things appear…overly aware of how I carry myself. See, I know that I can wild out like the next dude, but, to get to that level, I have to sort of forget myself.
It’s like, I’m not going to really be that aggressive offensively on the court, because I prefer to play defense and rebound. These things come naturally to me. These things are what win games, although they don’t get the same recognition. It takes heart and character t do the things that don’t get the shine, but get the job done. This is subtly one of the things my step-father instilled in me, ironically through the sport of basketball. In a nutshell, he told me, let my game speak for itself.
But then, there’s the aggressive side…the side that actually can drain threes and kill you on offense if he just stops worrying about messing up. See, I’m a perfectionist. And being a perfectionist sometimes means you psyche yourself out of putting your best foot forward or, trying at all…just because you don’t want to mess up. It’s not failure. It’s messing up. In my mind, every shot I put up should go in…but things don’t work that way in life.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m aggressive when it comes to hustling and getting things done, but I’m terrible at hyping myself up. Part of the reason is: If I’m selling something, of course I’m going to tell you it’s great because I want you to buy it. What they don’t know I, I won’t lie to sell you something. If I say it’s hot, I think it’s hot. It’s that simple. The other part is: I don’t like salespeople. The psychology of trying to convince me to buy something is annoying. Hell, I probably was going to buy it, not because you are a good saleperson, but because I researched and/or, someone I trust spoke well of it. All you’re going to most likely do is mess it al;l up, and I will buy it somewhere else.
But, I’m ranting, now, huh? Yeah, this all feels familiar.
All that to say, I am feeling more self assured about my approach. This process has been a learning experience for me, and I’m thankful I’m learning these things now before I finish. Talking to DP of the Po-Emcees a while back, the dude put it down like, “Be committed when you spit it”. Paraphrased poorly, but, pretty much saying that if you’re going to do it…do it! Also, watching 13 lay down a hook a couple of weks ago, was another lesson. The dude is mad laid back, humble and reserved…but, put a microphone in front of him and tell him to spit and see what happens. The dude literally attacks the mic…it’s incredible. I have that…fire…I’m just so self-conscious about letting go. The only thing in life I can control is my own actions, so what happens when I let go? Hmmmm.
This is why I need to write. It forces me to ask myself questions I didn’t know I had, or have been avoiding. But, anywho, I am making good progress with the recording project I’ve been working on. If all goes according to plan, I should have it out by Spring.
I’m also geeked because I’ve started the process for my first graphic novel. Think of it as a giant comic book without the ads. It’s going to be a trying process, but, I’ve been sticking to it so far, and I’ve really put some good ideas down. I actually have about three or four joints I could be doing, not to mention one or two scripts I could be writing, but, at that rate I’d never get anything done. I figure I have to commit to one idea for a st period of time and go hard with it. The way things are working, I may have to do some concurrent writing, because I’m really getting some good ideas for this vampire epic I’ve been BS’ing on writing for years now.
Oh, I also have to move the illpoets.com and leethepoet.com sites to a new hosts, which I may do as early as this weekend. After that, I’ll need to focus on rebuilding leethepoet.com, as well as constructing a site for davinciparks.com (the rhyme alias). In addition to the fact I plan on finishing up my boy O’s music site and helping Ms. Rhonda L. Taylor get her online gangsta on. Oh yeah, the kid has been grinding for real!
Oh yeah, I also have to get my 4th book of poetry out there, too. So yeah, more for me to do. Sheesh. By the time my birthday comes around, I’m going to need a vacation. But I’m loving it though, and so should you. Holla at the kid and let me know what’s good.