So hey, hope your overly commercialized day of love was cool, and affordable. Don't want none of ya'll going broke tryin' to get the draws. My V-Day was cool, although I am now trying to keep myself from getting sick (running around when I shpould have been resting). Funny thing is, I woke up feeling fine, but as the day progresses, I feel more and more like I'm going to be sick-- ah well, I typically break down once a year if at all, so this would be as good a time as any, I guess. Hey, I'd like to know why new valentine's can be such work, not that it was a bad thing for me...but figuring out what will be appreciated versus what will be cliche or overboard is a subtle art. Well, maybe not an art, but whatever. All I'm saying is, if you know your Valentine, everything should be a cakewalk--if you're on your job that is.
Now me, I personally don't dig the day at all. It's one of those cash cows drummed up every year by corporate america to get guys into precarious positions. The tension leading up to the day builds too much expectation for some. I mean, how come the guy has to do the flowers and candy while the woman just stands there all teary eyed? I thought everything is supposed to be equal. I'm saying, are you going to break out those Victoria's Secret draws and flavored condoms after I get you the tennis bracelet? Damn ma, I drop a g or more on that ass--I want that ass...in multiple positions. And ya better not be having any "visitor's"!! Else, the flavored condoms are now optional. :o)
Wow...that was crass--even for me. But, alas, that is how we guys think. We're not into the details, we are into the outcome. We go through the details because we want a favorable outcome. (In the beginning) We could really care less how flowers and candy make you feel, we're more concerned with how much ass credit we just purchased with said flowers and candy. Yes, ladies, I said it-- Ass Credit. Every guy works on getting some that he'll hopefully be able to cash in on yo' ass at some point. It's like AMEX rewards, but we actually plan on being able to use the points one day. And ladies, don't get offended, men are more base creatures than you--and the only things that prevents you from being as base as us is you contend with a lot more "feelings" than we do initially. When we see a woman, we take inventory of the physical: Ass--check, Legs--check, Breasts--pass, Stomach--check, Face--pass. WE HAVE A GREEN LIGHT, REPEAT, A GREEN LIGHT!!! LAUNCH ALL GAME! LAUNCH ALL GAME! And why do we start at the ass, or for my european brothers, the breasts and monitor the face last? We're building our way up to it. We don't know what she looks like--it's like a five second suspense movie and you don't know whether or not she's a good guy or a bad guy. *Hisss* "Back, Satan!" Seriously, it's like a close game that's definately coming down to the buzzer. I mean, if she didn't get enough marks befor the face, the face could turn the game around in her favor. Whereas, if she had high marks in the major four categories, ans was busted in the face--we are now faced with a quandry. If she is cute, it's like: All that, and a cute face too?! If shw winds up being cute as hell with litle to no ass, brothas will be like, "If I tap that right, I can make the ass swell up..." If she isn't cute, it's like-- "Damn...how do I hit this and nobody finds out?" HAhahahahahaha! I'm crazy for that one. But, it's the truth--we can be that shallow...
BUT!
Women on the other hand have way more assessments than us and are no less shallow. Women will assess-- Shoes, car, clothes, house, weight, walk, build, height, height in contrast with your height, teeth, smile, eyes and whether or not he has good hair. The bad thing is, ya'll started this list of assessments before you even were able to use it or knew what to do with it. You developed this list in pre-school and elementary, and worked on it through junior high and high school. Let a brother not have one of his requirements down-- the axe. Hell, ol' girl don't have to be a specific height per se, long as she is proportioned to our liking, is clean and can formulate a sentence--we're good. And for some, the ability to formulate a sentence isn't mandatory. Now PERSONALLY, intelligence is a big turn on (as is a phatty), but we aren't nearly as discriminating in the beginning as women are. We're equal opportunity. You have to do some shit to make us be like, "Nah, I'm good...you can keep that homie". Women, not so much--you have to build credit, and hope she like the roll of coins you're working with when you come to spend a little time with her, y'dig?
Anyway, I better shut this down...I'm getting way into this. Sometimes I think I should be comedian.