To shitty fingers
Who left crap on the damn roll
You are disgusting

I always wanted to write a poem for you
But words weren’t enough to convey the depths of emotion I have for you
My love for you chokes me sometimes
Knowing like all beautiful flowers that the bloom is finite
So tonight
I figured I might try to write you a poem
Not a poem that seeks to encompass all the wonderful things I know you to be
Not even the one that drudges up the sappy memories
You giving me Mathew 25, verses 14- 36
Or those memories tucked away silently by time
Things you didn’t know I was old enough to remember
You crying in darkened living room by yourself with an airplane passing overhead
Traci asking why you were crying
Me, barely two years old
No
I simply decided to let my heart spill out on this keyboard
To shut my brain off for five minutes and let my heart shine you symphonies that are pale comparisons to the keystrokes that rocked me to sleep when you were the single mother with two kids simply trying to get that Masters Degree, or PhD
I simply wanted to string together words in the mere hope that I could get you to cry tears of joy
One tear for every tear of frustration as you wondered,
Why you had such a capable yet poorly motivated son in school
Perhaps it was the politics
I have always been a fool for you
But I never really liked dancing for others
Although poor self esteem would drive me to from time to time
This isn’t a poem about how great you are in my eyes
Or how I think you truly are the most intelligent woman I’ve ever known
Claire Huxtable would be scared to cross you in a battle of wits
This is simply something I can’t explain
A feeling that came over me
That uncontrollable urge to write something solely for you
That poem that was long over due
The piece that you could say was yours
The piece that probably could have been more poetic
But couldn’t have been any more heartfelt
The poem that said I love you long before the words “I love you” appeared in it
The poem that said thank you for being a good mother
Even though that was your job
You did it exceedingly well
The poem that asks 70% chances that I wouldn’t be writing this poem seems laughable now, doesn’t it?
That poem that praises you without ever speaking your name
That says no time with you is ill spent
That says I’m not an emotional man, but writing this makes me want to weep
In wavelengths that only The Creator could see
Because I am too proud and to weak to cry
The words are slipping away
I feel like Carlito asking where we’re going for drinks
Although neither one of us are drinkers
In the whirlwind
You are my anchor
All I have is you
Which explains why
In the whirlwind, push you away
Determined to stand on my own two
As the man you prayed I’d be
But also because I’m scared to death of losing you
The one person I can count on the most
The words are scarce now
All that is left is the obvious
I love you
I’m thankful
I am weeping

You
need to get out
of the past
After all
there is a reason why it's the past
the past
was simply not made to last
so let it go
Sure
it may have been better than now
or it may have destroyed you then
sand castles washed away are meant to be rebuilt again
let them hide in places away from the tide
but let the past go
you can't breathe because the past is a vacuume
there is no air there
don't let the past choke the life the present brings out of you
breathe
inhale that glory
that agony
that pain
that passion
because that
let's you know that you are alive
what good are obstacles if you aren't willing to meet them?
what good are challenges if you aren't willing to beat them?
The past is simply a mechanism to let you know where you've been
and you know the right and wrong actions that can take you there again
it's not there to torment you
to pain you
to steal away your slumber
It's there to let you know what struggle feels like
to help you remember what determination is
to drive you
to be better
to yourself
to others
To listen to the God we all have within us
yet look up to the sky for
throwing up our hands in dismay asking "Why, for?"
You haven't used the past like you said you would
like you promised yourself through bloody words uttered to yourself
crying in the fetal postion promising that when you were older
you'd change things
but have you?
Have you met your child with the same impatience that crushed your esteem?
Have you remembered how much you truly despised how your father treated your mother, how you would never do that to the one you love(d)?
Do you see the similarities in how you cope with adverse situations?
Are you handling them any better?
If not,
it's past time you do
and let the past go
Clinging to it is like holding on to the same doubts, fears and insecurites for old ties sake
Let the past go
release it from the horizon in front of you
and let it go where it belongs
behind you

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