I’ve got a lot on mind…basically been thinking about my relationships, and which ones need to be repaired, worked on left alone or let go. Also been thinking about life, in general. Although I totally feel that teaching was an incredible life experience; I wonder how things would be different had I not taught. Had I not taught, I wouldn’t own my place, or have written Babylon Songs, I wouldn’t have met my good friend Helena (Happy birthday, babe), I wouldn’t have been unemployed during the time after 9/11. Of course, all this is speculation, but I’m certain that I wouldn’t be where I am from a maturity stand point had I not done the teaching thing. Thing is, it was never something I set out to do, but something I did out of wanting to give back. This wasn’t something I saw in the life plan, y’know?
So, I’ve been trying to figure out how I “get back on track”. The funny thing is, this will probably propel me in ways I couldn’t even imagine to do great things. I always wanted to be rich, fame was a nice thought, but I’m too anti-social and to myself to really want fame. Nah, just give me the money, and the opportunity to help improve people’s lives; that’ll do fine for me. A 9- 5 is no way to make a living though man. You spend your entire life dying in cubicle? A morbid point of view, but, a valid one. I’ve been praying for God to put me on that path to greatness…mainly because I believe I’m pretty much ready to handle it, whatever “it” may be.
I’ve got so many ideas, but I don’t feel I’m in the right space to get them out… It’s frustrating feeling, because I know that in some ways I’m hindering myself, and preventing my own growth. But, there are some things that just kill my creative side…like work.
Don’t let me seem like I’m complaining about work. I take whatever job I have seriously, sometimes too seriously. I’m a damn good worker, and know that I have to get up to provide for myself…and to get the things I like. I grew up middle-class, and upper-middle class. So, I have to work to get the things that I like. Which may sound uppity, but I’m far from that. Give me some new DVD’s and CD’s (an occasional game) and I’m generally good. My crib is comfortable, so I don’t feel I need to add a bunch of things just for the sake of materialism, God has blessed me with a lot. Plus, I know what it’s like to not have a job…that is not fun…at all.
Just explaining why I haven’t been writing in the journal. The material to write about is there, but I don’t know how to really get it out.
On another note, I happened to turn on the TLC reality show on UPN, and saw a chick I went to Elementary, Junior High and High School with. That was funny, in a weird way. I didn’t even know she sang. But then again, she prolly ain’t know I did poetry. The figure and tummy action was looking splendiferous, though. Whoa, gotta go…I’ll holla.
One.