So here I am, waiting on my proofs for the new CD, All Seasons
Trying to front like I ain't excited
this is big...REALLY BIG
I want to have this joint done like yesterday, but I have to be
patient.
We'll see what folks are really talk about once I get the artwork
back.
On another note:
The new game X-Men Legends (for the PS2) ROCKS!
Fam, when I say that I played that joint all weekend, I mean I played
it all weekend (I'm absolutely broke)! What you know 'bout being able
to play as Professor X on the astral plane?! How bout running Danger
Room sequences to up your character's abilities? Classic flashback
fights like: Uncanny X-Men versus the Sentinels, The Original X-Men
versus Juggernaut, Wolverine waking up in the Weapon X Lab!!! This game
is the most thorough X-Men game I've ever played. All they need to do
is make a smaller game that you can play online...whoah! All this and
Live '05 drops this week, too?! Oh man, being broke has never been
sweeter!

Okay,
this was one of those things that I was going to hesitate to post, simply because I didn't want anybody to get the wrong impression. THIS IS NOT A DISS TO ANY PERSON, PLACE OR THING!!! This is merely how I've felt as of late (the last year to year and a half), and on of the reasons I haven't been as inspired to write. But I figured, if I didn't write this down finally, I'd only be contributig to my writer's block affliction. So, this ain't a diss, because I'd specifically write that and focus on whatever I was dissing...just reactions to some of the things that have taken place on the poetry scene. I actually stopped short because this could go into waters where I start citing hear-say stuff, which could start drama that I don't even want to bother with...so this is just a remix verse of Jada's "Why?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why?

Yo, why these poets don’t be showin’ no love
Why when you do the same they start bumpin’ they gums
And why John Patrick flip on Drew
And why poets start cliques but don’t act like crew
Yeah, and why they break their neck for you to check they set
Turn around and act funny for the way that you dress
Why some poets talk big and only move small
Probably the same reason I don’t be fuckin’ wit’ ya’ll
Why these cats frontin’ like I’m wack
Why they talk behind my back and still give me dap
Why I give an artist my last dime
Why they don’t do the same or even peep my rhymes
Why do I even try
Why they actin’ brand new with the list
Why you look right past me when you know I spit
Why Urban have to close their door
Why the scene don’t feel like fam no more
Why ya’ll do that for
Why

It's a natural thing...an innate compulsive behavior. An indescribable force that drives men...to look at a woman's ass. We can't help it. It's what we do. The more refined try to find more discreet ways of doing it, but the average women still know we do it. You can see the, "Did he just look at my ass while he was passing by me" look on some of their faces. It's a healthy sickness, for there is something magical about a woman's posterior. The comdey comes in when a woman will pass by and you'll see men double take as she walks by just enough to get a good look at her ass. Now, most asses only need one glance, but some will get repeats, to see if there is any improvement. But a great ass...will cause conversations. Some of these conversations are without words.
Smiles light up on men's faces as a woman cuts through the workplace. An agreeable smile lights up on the average joe's face as he looks to find another who has seen what he has. He knows that there is goodness in this as he looks up at the grinning faces of his peers. They too have seen and felt the magnetic pull of a mans eyes to a woman's backside. Observe as they glide around the denim contours of her frame. Those with extraordiinary endowments are given a name, likened to great asses of the past. "Damn, shawty built like Willona up in this piece." Good times indeed, ain't we lucky we have these curves to ride on?

Ode to that ass (Yes I did say it, and yes I am going there...sorry, bored, silly and sleepy folks)

God is truly good
and it is evident in the way you walk
amazing how it can even applaud given the proper talk (hallelujah)
don't you want to do a dress rehearsal and pretend we making a baby
no I ain't crazy,
I just want to make sure you and I got the act mastered
i have no intent of fathering a bastard
i'm just trying to get to know you...in the biblical sense
for something that beautifully immense and dense is not meant to be kept but spread
now let that double etendre roll around in your head
shorty I have no words to offer you but my sincerest thanks
my only wish at this time in the midst of this rhyme
is that you and i canm be strangers once again for an instant
that i may be bathed in the unexpected beauty of seeing you for the first time
again (amen)

One of the greatest scams in history was convincing the world that woman was merely an afterthought.~ Lee the Poet

Yeah,
So I'm in my second day of a three day course, and I'm not too enthused right now. I have had this instructor before, and while he has gotten better, I'm still not convinced anyone should be paying $1,100 to have him as a teacher. Now, I ain't got loot like that, so I use the Educational Benefits at my job to pay for shit like this...good thing to, because this cat'd be hearing from me on the regular if I paid that much loot out of my own pocket. Shoot, if I don't get that much out of the class, I can at least consider it as leave from my office, but, that's not the greatest attitude to have towards learning.
The guy seems really nice, and even concerned with what you are concerned with...but have you ever had a teacher that stalls while they figure out the answer, but act like they do know the answer? Then, when they get it right, they act like they empowered you with some shit?! Aargh, I hate that! To an extent, a good instructor would say, "Let me get my bearings right so I can answer that for you" in lieu of stalling. But if he did that, then he'd be in trouble because he stalls...a lot. I do think the guy knows his stuff...for the most part. But I don't think he should be teaching on this level. Cats shouldn't have to constantly remind the dude to save and post his page so he can see his results. But whatever, we're all human. I just want to get out of this course, but since I've already been charged for it, I'll probably audit it if I can get another instructor. Then it'll be free, and I can get out of work again and I'll actually be able to learn.
See, a problem I have is, it's hard form me to humble myself to listen to somebody if I don't think they know what their talking about. Then Mr. Obsessive-compulsive kicks in and tries to find faults anywhere he can. Grammatical inaccuracies, typos in query strings, incorrect html syntax, etc. As far as any programming goes, my breadth of knowledge is quite basic, so if I have to correct you twice regarding any programming language in a short amount of time, then I can start to get indignant. Apathetic even. The kicker is I know these cats in positions like his make $800...a day!!! Dog, you doing it like that, you need to come correct. You don't have to be flawless, but command you're class room. When you lose command of the classroom, you lose respect. It's not a good sign when students start giving instruction to other students while you sit in your chair theorizing.
At least I'm trying to find humility within, I mean, I've been stumped occasionally during my tour of teaching...we all have. I just feel that if you take on that beast that is teaching, then you must carry that light properly. It's kinda like, anyone can write poetry, but everyone can't be a poet. You may know your field, but that doesn't mean that you possess the proper presence or temperament to do so. Just me thinking out loud...
Do you agree or disagree...?
PS- James, thanks for the interesting analysis of my writer's block a couple of entries ago, that bit of candid honesty will have to be pondered in depth. Bru...you got issues...but you're still funny as hell.
PPS- Am I the only one who thinks the sudden surge in hurricanes in Florida are a bit suspicious? I mean the same state at the center of so much controversy 4 years ago, is being slammed while Mr. Bush is making an extra large point of showing face there?
PPPS- I lost to Granma in her kitchen at a game of scrabble. We're tied 1- 1.
I say- I say, this of course, means war~ Foghorn Leghorn voiced by the legendary Mel Blanc (I only noted that because his son is good, but he just ain't Mel when he does his voices).

Date: September 11. 2004
Time: 3:00 PM Eastern Standard Time
Station: WTTG Fox 5 DC
Program: African Heritage Theater Presents: The Mack

Okay, for those who have seen this movie AND recognize the cultural significance...that's deep. Not the mack...in the middle of the day...on network TV. Wow. Now that's pimpin'.

"Stick youself Tny...c'mon, stick yourself for me baby. Stick yourself n!gg@!!" John "Goldie" Mickins and Slim~ The Mack

Ps- ...wow. Just, wow.

So I was watching a bit of television this past holiday weekend, when
one of the dumbest commercials to ever be aired came on-- twice! It
went like this: "If you or somebody you know has commited suicide, or
attempted suicide, then call this number!"
"...sounds like a horrible movie, where hoestly, I wish I was making
this up. But honestly, I'm not." ~ 13 of Nazareth from one of the
hottest poems like, EVER, "Happy Anniversary"

Forgive me for this disjointed entry, I just didn’t want to get up @ 1:30 in the morning and type all this in…
So I was @ Java Head yesterday, and it hit me…not all at once, but in waves. The feeling like I was losing touch. Of course there were mad people at the J.H. that I share a mutual love with, but I just felt out of place. It was weird me being there because I had already made up my mind that I’d be going home instead of staying out for any poetry sets because I knew I had to get up to go to the DMV the next day as it’s almost time for me to renew my license. SO…I get there, and the homies Shae and Atahza are being interviewed for some reason…come to find out that this cutie with the a lovely frame is interviewing folks for Sir’s birthday. Okay, wow, Sir has his own documentary team now, whoa. Cool, I eye shorty, and she holla’s @ me moments later asking me to do an interview…which was all of three seconds it seemed. I clown Sir on tape, talkin’ about, “Do I want to wish Sir happy birthday, nope…but he can wish me happy birthday since I’m older.” She didn’t seem amused. Okay, my flirting with this chick isn’t even getting a slight smile, perhaps I should never speak to her again.
Okay, the vaunted “Virgo Bash” is really a celebration for Sir and Kom…which is groovy because seeing them is the only real reason I climbed out of my whole, that and trying to let King hear this piece I penned with him in mind. Okay, this is the third time cats have a list where they know me, and assume I’m not spittin’…okay, I guess I’m not spitting. Cool. I’m trying to leave, but I want to wish Sir and Kom a happy happy before I roll, though. Sir rips his feature (of course). Great, now I can roll. Before I do, come to find out aforementioned cutey is Sir’s fiancé! Okay, I have to talk to this cat so he knows I meant know disrespect…never saw shorty a day in my life…won’t happen again. I shoot the breeze with young master Wel and talk about my writer’s block when “IT” hits me, this quietly looming sense of detachment.
I feel disconnected from everything and everyone I hold dear. It’s almost as if I’m in limbo. I’ve gone through phases like this before, at times it leads to sex with some sexy vixen and me finding out it was more than sex to her, which makes me feel bad like, damn it’s not that deep for me… What triggered this realization? I remarked to Wel that I have noticed that I really don’t write anything about me in my journal, which kind of defeats the purpose. I just hate leaving it untouched for too long. Then I wonder, what if this writer’s block is self inflicted? Traditionally, I never have to try to write a piece, they come to me. In fact, when I try to force a piece, I almost always hate it, and can tell years later which piece was forced and which piece came naturally. SO I just let them come when they may. This way, I never get judgmental of my poems, unlike my rhymes, because the poems come to me in that moment, y’know? So the question is: Do I wait for this affliction to pass or try to write through it? I love structure, but don’t want to resign to a routine lifestyle. Eat. Shit. Work. Play. That will not bring me any happiness. I need to really reflect on what the fuck I’m doing. Reevaluate relationships, be they social or familial. Figure out what I’m going to do on the poetry scene, with work…etc.
I do know, if I come back…which I’m sure I eventually will, it ain’t going to be nothing nice. I’m personally tired of people playing me to the side like I spittin’ some hot shit. Not to be vain or arrogant because those that know me know that’s not my get-down, but damn…these cats are going to have to learn to respect my shit the hard way, y’heard.
You’ll have to forgive me…I’m kinda jumbled up right now trying to make sense of all this. It just seems like I try to do some positive community oriented type shit…thinking I’m doing a good thing…and somebody’s always trying to steal my joy. Drama with doing this CD. Drama putting together the shows. Drama when I tried to sell Babylon Songs and shiesty ass KCR sold me books that fall apart as soon as you open them; all of which took momentum from selling what I still feel is one of the hottest books of poetry EVER. Not because I wrote it, but because of how it was designed and what and who it targets. There’s a lot of science to that book and I’ve had cats that I lyrically respect tell me they haven’t even started reading that shit…even after I made a point of giving that joint to a lot of folks for free. Mainly folks who I felt might not be able to cop it, but I still wanted them to check it. Still, that shit costs damn near $9 per book to print. This is the love reciprocated from cats I’ve supported multiple times… And because of how I am, my oft stolid demeanor, one may think I don’t feel that shit, but I do, word is bond I do. I peep how cats can be on their soapbox, or listening to somebody else on theirs, and into it deep man. All emotional and supportive, but applauding the speech that is damning them in many ways… Shit, I’ve heard some rather ambiguous shit as of late, and it feels like some of it is indirectly pointed at me.
Newsflash- one of the many reasons I stopped coming out to sets is because cats ain’t really on the love they say they on. I can see that shit in their eyes, and I’d rather not deal with it than allow myself to feel a way about something that I love so deeply like poetry. Not just that, I can see when cats make judgments of shit I do and say… Granted, I can be silly at times, but often that silliness comes from discomfort. I pick up a lot of funny energy from cats that are quick to hug you or dap you up…judge you. Some of these people, don’t get me wrong, are good people. But this shit is fuckin’ blowing me. But dig it tho’, I’m cool. I got this All Seasons project I’m about to wrap up…shit is blaze. And then I’m really going to be in reflection mode. This being dependable for cats who are all take and no give….I can’t do it no more.

Okay, who wants to see old video footage of Vin Diesel breakdancing? Unh, unh, unhhh...raise your hand first. Hey, you don't have to make faces like that. Oh, now you muttering underneath your breath, huh? Word? Okay, this is just silly...just click the damn link and let's forget about this whole ordeal afterwards.

Vin Diez Body Rockin'