Okay, this isn't about whether or not your donkey or elephant...personally, I can go on about that for a very long time; but I won't. I will speak on what I've seen so far tonite: Arnold & dumb & dumber.
Frankly, Arnold wasn't bad, but he didn't really do that much endorsement of the President in my opinion. He did a great job of appealing to immigrants and I applaud that. He also expounded upon the ideals of America...but, he really didn't say much about G. W. He was also very wrong by saying the current administration "inherited" a recession...we all know that's BS, so I won't speak on it.
What I will speak on is Bush's daughter's...WHY?! They brought nothing to the table. These two have been mentioned in the same breath as the Hilton sisters. They went so far out of their way to seem "hip", they seemed un-hip their damne self. Who cares anout your pet gerbils?! Arghhh, bad play on their part, they had nothing to say of substance. At least he put his wife up after that...maybe she'll do a better job...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! This was too damn funny... Awww, man, the hell?! Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool...t-e-e- he-e-e ha ha HAHAHAHA!!!!

lil-jim-kelly.mpeg

For the first in this new series, I decided to get the lyrics for a sing- a- long to a classic song of substance that all kids have done at one point...the dozens. If you know the words, feel free to join in, I'm right there with ya. And without further ado, here it is:

Ya Mama
by the Pharcyde

Verse One: Booty Brown

Ya mom is so fat (how fat is she?)
Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy
with twenty-two burritos, but when times are rough
I seen her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs
The sad fact (what?), ya mama smokes crack (what?)
She got a burning yearning and there's no turning back
Her knuckles drag down to the ground when she walk
Spit comes out that bitch mouth when she talk

Refrain:

Naked on a mountain top, tootin on a flizoot
Ridin on a horse drinking whisky out a bizoot
She's got the wings and teeth of an african bat
Her middle name is Mudbone and on top of all that:

Ya mama got a glass eye with the fish in it (3X)
Ya mama, ya mama, ya mama

Verse Two: Slim Kid Tre

Ya mama look like she's been in the dryer with some rocks
With the big bust nose sucking dirt out of socks
Held up the ice cream truck with a slingshot
She grabbed a bag of Cheese Corn and a soda pop
Ya mama root'n'toot and stole my loot and my suit
She may have the muscles, but no, she's not cute
She's not pretty, oh what a pity, got the glass titty
Filled up with Kool-aid, just for the kiddies

Refrain:

On a cliff butt naked, tootin on a flute
Ridin on a horse drinkin whisky out a boot
She's got the teeth and the wings of an African bat
Her middle name is Mudbone and on top of all that

Ya mama got the wooden legs with real feet (3X)
Ya mama, ya mama, ya mama

Verse Three: Fat Lip

Watch out, I'm thinkin about your mother to a funky beat
I went to your house, and she licked me on the cheek
I said excuse me lady, but I remember seeing you at the Palladium
way back in September
Cause you was beatboxin for Lou Rawls
In some bright red boxer drawers
You said ya moms was pretty and young
But she's old as dirt and got hair on her tongue

Refrain:

Ya moms, ya moms, she uses Brut
And I saw her ridin a horsey drinking whisky out a boot
She's got the wings and teeth of an african bat
Her middle name is Mudbone , and on top of all that

Ya mama's got a peg leg with a kickstand (3X)
Ya mama, ya mama, ya mama

Verse Four: Imani

Awwwwwwww, ya mom is so fat (how fat is she?)
We rode up on her back to get some burgers from Wendy's
and her skates went flat; I got stuck in her butt crack
They thought I was lost but I was caught by the G-strap
Heaven forbid a giant fart would give way
Cause that would blow me round the world in a day
We drove into the drive-in and she didn't have to pay
because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet

Refrain:

Naked on a mountain top tootin on a flizoot
Ridin on a horse, drinkin whisky out a bizoot
With the wings and the teeth of an african bat, ba-aa-aa-at
Her middle name is Mudbone and on top of all that

Ya mama's got an afro, with a chin strap (3X)
Ya mama, ya mama, ya mama

Outro:

Ya mama got snake skin teeth
Ya mama wears coat hangers for earrings , dude she looks like.... hehehe
Ya mama was making sex threats to Ricky Bell and shit
Ya mama jacked the Kool-aid man for a sip, nigga
Ya mama was walking down on Sunset with a 99 cent sign on her back
(You're a sellout) ya mama's a sellout nigga ya mama
Nigga ya mama did a pop tune nigga
Ya mama's glasses are so thick she look into a map
and see people wavin at her
Your mother got an Ouija board on her back
Sidney with EQ and everything what he be sayin
His mother be hooked, fishin with a hook and reel at the frozen food section
Tre's mama got Playdough teeth
Ya mother be eatin daisies like Now and Laters and shit
Ya mama's an extra on the Simpsons and shit
Ya mama's so fat you can't even see her legs
it just looks like she's just gliding across the floor...

Hope you enjoyed the sing along...see ya guys l8ter...

Ya mama's so hip hop she got a tatoo of Rakim on her left titty..~ DP of the mighty poem-cees .

Sad, but funny as hell...

Please don't hate me for this entry, I didn't know it'd go in this direction when I started it, but it's freewriting in my journal so hey...
Ever been to an amusement park and seen the little station where some poor high school student has to guess a complete strangers age or weight within a predetermined range or have to give up some cheap stuff animal as a reward (try that for a run on sentence...but actually, I think that really is proper sentence structure; just awfully verbose)? Well yeah, I like to fork over my dollar or two simply because I know they'll never guess my age. I haven't been to any theme parks lately, but I may go for a funnel cake and that... Not for the stuffed animal per se, but more for the potential entertainment that may arise while I'm there. I still have this rinky-dink stuffed animal that sits on my bed from one of those games at six flags, and as I was making up my bed, I remembered an "incident" at one of these guessing game stations. Picture this, a black woman with unkempt hair that's built like an NFL linebacker...literally, walks up to some infortunate small framed girl and slaps her money on the table. After doing so, she agressively demnds that the girl properly identify her weight.
I've never seen somebody so freaked out yet so calm. Now this woman was just glaring at this chick as she stood there trying to create a number that wouldn't be too offensive, which may trigger an ass beating that nobody is going to try to stop. This shit was so funny, a crowd started to develop while the woman waited for her weight guesstimation. Finally the girls speaks up and quesilly says she thinks she's about 260. 260! Now that was her nice way of low bridging the actual weight and saving her life. The black woman yells out something to the effect of, "You might as well give me my stuffed animal now because you way off!" As she charged up to the scale and stepped on authorotatively, the needle on the giant scale went haywire and rocketed past 260...270...picked up more speed at 280...started climaxing at 290...slowedat 300..and came to a gentle rest around 315...give or take a few pounds. Poor girl, she did the right thing.
Now, for those (men) who (still) don't know, women can be very sensitive about their weight. You can use every adjective under the sun referring to a woman's size as long as it doesn't directly imply she's "fat". She can be husky, big-boned, thick, voluptuous, full figured, heavy set...chunky maybe, but never fat. Now, I may be getting myself into trouble, but one thing I am is painfully honest. If you're 5' 2" and 315 pounds..none of the aforementioned euphimisms apply to you. You're fat, and that's cool. People have such a complex about weight these days. As long as your healthy, don't trip. Some people are going to be big, no matter what they eat or don't eat, but if you have a healthy routine: cardio and exercise, you should be cool. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th century that thin women were popular. Yes, 1 hundred years ago you'd be trying to get Halle Berry to eat more, and Lisa Nicole Carson would have every acting role under the sun. Now, let me preface this by saying that I don't think Lisa Nicole Carson is fat...she's phat. But, by popular standards, not afroccentric standards, she could stand to lose weight. I just think the girl is "healthy", and personally, I like looking at her much like brothas back in the day liked looking at Pam Grier. Point is, if you're "over weight", at least be healthy and stop giving it other names. Half the world is over weight...so what... If you can't admit your flaws, you can never correct them. It just trips me out when a woman will call another woman who is smaller than her fat, and turn around and call herself thick. Okay, I went on a complete tangent and don't remember what the hell I was talking about... Has anybody been watching women's volleyball? Oh, and how bout the jamaican sprinters???

I was off on Friday so I saw AVP (Aliens VS Predator) and I liked it. Probably dug it because I had absolutely no expectations for it. Didn’t even know it was PG-13 until I sat down in the theater. Now, I do agree with those who thought there should have been way more whoop-ass between the aliens and predator’s but I also understand the nature of the beast…no pun intended. To do that, would have meant to get rid of the human element, which I agree was pretty annoying because we wanted to see the whoop- ass. However, because the Predator’s don’t speak any earthly language (that we know of), and aliens just make shrill noises, that wouldn’t be much for a dialogue driven plot now would it. Then you’d have the asshole, me probably, wondering why they were fighting…what the basis for the story was. The good thing is that a sequel can and probably will be made, where a lot more whoop-ass can actually happen.

Later that night…I saw PRINCE. That guy fucking rocks in concert. Best concert I’ve EVER seen. No way he could do all the hits, but he did a helluva lot of ‘em. “The Beautiful Ones”, “Let’s Go Crazy”, “Adore”, “Nothing Compares 2 U”, “Seven”, “Little Red Corvette”, “D.M.S.R.”, “Kiss” and “Purple Rain” just to name a few. Words can not express how much of a showman he is and how dope his band was. Son, the drummer was off the chains…and he had Maceo Parker in tow…as in James Brown “Maceo, hey hey, Ooooow!!!’ Maceo Parker! Fellas, if he ever comes back to town, and you have a bun bun you’re dealing with, take her to see Prince. Shit, she may even pay. Afterwards you have to do nothing…nothing you hear me?! The foreplay was already done by Prince.

Speaking of which, it was way too many single women in crews at the show. Fellas, ya’ll are slippin’. Oh, and there was this one chick, with white jeans on…stellar ass. My man, let me just elaborate on the remarkable nature of white jeans and a fatty. Okay, tight blue jeans are great, and black jeans are even better, but not every phat ass is created equal. Only the special, can wear a pair of white tight jeans and come off like “What?!”. When I see something…that…wonderful, I literally have to say “God is good”. Now, she was with somebody, and hopefully dude capitalized on Prince’s singing, for if he failed to make something happen with that…he don’t need to ever hit up another concert again. No Patti, Luther, nothing! You’re being demoted to Oran “Juice” Jones, cousin…it’s that serious.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much lazy afternoons and Olympics. There’s something very sexy about women’s volleyball…On the women’s team, there’s this one chick named Santos, but she’s married. But there’s also this 21 year old named Nimani or something like that…P.H.A.T.: Pretty Hot and Tempting. And does Serena look extra yummy in the nike and McDonalds commercials or what?! That girl just don’t know. Give a brother 3 minutes, or maybe even fo’…ya’ll know the rest.

Phat…phat…whoo, damn…phat! You know, pretty hot and tempting? I’m stunned by your phatness. ~ Chris Tucker as Franklin Hatchett in Money Talks

Oh…there you are…I thought I was the only one here…

Greetings folks, how are ya’ll doin’ today? That’s frickin’ great…and I mean that, too. Me? I’m cool, thanks for asking. Although, you ever wonder how most of the time when folks ask how you’re doing, you tend to respond with some generic nicety?
“Hey, how are you?”
“Fine, and you?”
“I’m fine.”
Very surface indeed, but, I digress. I really am cool. Been actually getting a bit more sleep as of late. I think it’s related to the fact I’ve been lifting a bit again. I’ve had a curl bar for years, but hate using it primarily because it’s one of those joint’s you’d get from a sporting good store, not the one you’d use in a gym. The one’s in the gym weigh the same, but they’re also shorter, which puts less pressure on the wrists and allows me to curl more. Personal preference—just in case you cared.
Aside from that, things are pretty much back to normal, now that the show is over and the illpoets.com CD is pretty much done. Speaking of which, I just listened to the complete album in my whip on the way to work today, and it plays really well. I don’t think cats are ready for this joint, man. It’s got R&B, Hip Hop, Spoken Word, Alternative and some funny ass interludes to boot. The joint will be a real crowd pleaser. I’m excited about releasing this jon’t for’real.
Oh, and the CD is going to be full…full as in we can’t put anything else on it because it’s full—full. Folks are going to definitely get their money’s worth. Yeah, this CD is rockin’!!! What ya’ll know about an emcee track with no hooks, just 13 of Nazareth, Dub Ell, Sir Reigns, Kom, Droopy, Black Picasso (from the Poem-Cees) & Da Vinci Parks on the same track killin’ it?!?!?!?! The Cd is pretty dangerous, but I ain’t gon’ even big it up anymore…late august early September, ya’ll gon’ see! Yeah!!!!
Sorry, had my DJ Clue/ Funk Master Flex moment. Going to be hitting up the Java Head tonight; hopefully with the big homie O.J. and the homegirl Nova in tow. We’ll see…I even have a new poem, but I don’t know if I’m going to spit it.
Oh, By the way…I’m putting out an official APB on Monie Love, Indigo Blue and Rebecca Bishop-Hall. If ya’ll are still breathing, holla back!

R.I.P. Rick James...wow.

Yo babe, I love and miss you always.
1 from the kid

The Definition shows have come and gone, and I'm happy that's the case. Organizing an event is stressful, mainly because you're held accountable be it a success or failure. Thee thing is, you never know which way it's gonna go. The Thursday show with Psalmayene and the Poem-Cees was cool, just a small turnout. Thing is, it is a Thursday so that's understandable. I honestly didn't want to do Thursday, but was talked into it. But I didn't want to have the illpoets collective performing on a day I knew Drew would be hosting an event (Java Head). Friday's turnout was...sad to be real with ya'll. To be honest, the stress involved with this joint wouldn't have been so stressful if I wasn't such a nice guy, and I'll just leave it at that. The show will be marked as a successful event overall primarily because of the reaction of the patrons who saw the event. Each show had a mixed crowd, and each night was a favorable response, especially Saturday and Sunday.
Speaking of Sunday, Sunday was dope because my Mom's, who hates hip hop and has dogged it for years finally understands it ain't all bad, in fact, she bought a poem-cees EP as proof. THAT'S HUGE!!! The show was meant to break down negative stereotypes and stigmas associated with poetry & hip hop, and if as a result my moms buys a hip hop EP, I consider that a success. I feel bad only on one front, and that's Psalm and Waldo didn't get a chance to rock for the larger audiences we pulled in*but aside from that, it's all good.
I also learned a lot about peoples attitudes, level of commitment, etc. when it ain't they ass on the line, too. Do not get it twisted, I dig all the talent that was associated with the show, BUT, there were some definite conflicts behind the scenes. Nothing television worthy, but damn, they were getting me heated at points. Issues like punctuality ain't viewed the same, and I had to learn that. I hate being late, and feel bad if I am...because I'm grown and believe that unless something barred you...you should not be more than a couple minutes late. So, yeah, everything is cool, but shoot*awww, man, I don't even want to go into it. I don't want anyone to misconstrue this journal entry like I'm salty at anybody, because that ain't even it. I'm sure I tested the patience of almost everybody involved at some point or another, but*you know what, I'll leave it at that.
The show was cool, if you missed it, you missed a really good show, and I say that sincerely. For the record, the Poem-Cees rock*hard! After seeing them perform the three nights this weekend, their act never got old or boring. Also gained a greater personal respect and appreciation for Patrick Washington; since Patrick pulled me to the side and expressed his concerns and reservations regarding the show prior to the show going live.
I actually dropped a line in one of my poems, an freaked out because I've never really just flat dropped a line and been stuck*it freaked me out, ya'll. When I messed up, my first thought was "Oh shit, I dropped my line*what line's next?!" I drew a blank for close to 10 seconds*not happy about that, but hey it happens, and it's over and done with now. Everybody else did a great job in delivering their pieces; some, including myself at points, were guilty of taking too long to set up pieces. Only reason I brought that up is because there were concerns that it would make the audience jittery, but the audience seemed engaged the entire time. Still wanted it to be closer to an hour for the illpoets.com time slot, but hey*whatever.
I'm glad folks (like Vanja, Jumand and Mama Bon, Mr. Mayo and his wife) turned out to check the show, some of my fam even came down from NY (Dio, Jewels, Nova and Alicia). Shoot, I was happy to see folks like Bru and Jennifer, too. My family turned out big, Dad, Uncle Allen, Aunt Jackie, Aunt Bessie, & Aunt Bessie (and of course mom and Ken)*so I was happy to be supported and surrounded by family. Hey, thanks also to Amy and Tracy for coming out too*that's what's up. And even though she's gonna act all indignant once she sees this, Lynn, you really did make it a lot easier to handle. Thanks. Big ups to Eric and Elisha*I'm out.
Why do I feel like Tupac giving shout outs on the Makaveli CD???