Remember When: VH1 sucked?

Seriously though, I remember when VH1 was the channel quickly clicked through for fear of being turned to stone from boredom. Oh, I also heard a Toyota commercial on this morning that promised a car with a "kicking" 6 speaker sound system. Dude, I ain't heard anybody say kickin' since the 80's, cuz. Anyway, I'm really trying to ge6t myself geared up to slam. Hopefully I can bring myself to slam this Sunday @ Teaism, as time is running out to make semis if I want to slam @ Nationals. Think that would look nice on my poetics resume... Yeah, trying to get psyched up here...trying really hard.
I'll Holla...

Hey all, how r ya doin? Cool? Cool. Me? Oh, I’m swell. Had a nice weekend. Saw Barbershop 2, which was cool. Also saw the Poemcees and Psalmayene 24 do their thing @ the warehouse next door on Saturday. Dopeness. Truly. Also, officially met Ms. Bassey Ikpi. Thought that was hella cool, seeing as tho’ she and Drew were the ones who inspired me to do the personal journal in the first place. Had it not been for those two, I’d just be doing occasional entries on illpoets.com. So, I found it awkward that I couldn’t find anything interesting to rant about while she was there. I felt like I was part fan, part supporter, part poetic politiker. Weird moment, but still really happy to finally have met her.
Patrick & DP rock! Those two, and Rhome are frickin’ comedians. Stage show is truly original. Because I see DP less than I do Patrick, I tend to forget how nice that cat is. Oh, Psalm’s joint was even iller the second time I saw it! Free Jujube Brown is incredible. Smaller audiences are sometimes better for the thespian, because they can interact with and play off of smaller audiences a bit more. It was also cool to see all his facial expressions and mannerisms that I didn’t quite catch the first time because I wasn’t as close.
On another note, my childish ass will be seeing Wrestlemania XX this year as it is apparent that the Undertaker will be reactivated as The Phenom! Anybody who knows me and my wrestling…thing, most likely knows that my ultimate all- time favorite wrestler is The Undertaker. Although he was cool as “The American Bad Ass” (sounds kinda corny, I know), nothing can ever touch The Undertaker. Schoolboy geek comin’ out, but I don’t care! I finally get to shut my little brother up on who’s the illest.
On another note, there’s a lot of buzz around this Mel Gibson movie out right now, The Passion of Christ, what are your thoughts?

Dog, I seen it! You gotta be kiddin' me. Are you serious? Why the hell I seen this older cat pushin a mini-van...with some young ass spinners on it. Dog, the rims had to be like 12" or smething...Them joints look like they shoulda been on my nieces power wheels or something. Dog, let it go. Do not, I repeat, do not try to look fly in a mini- van. It's a mini- van!!!! Accept your 2.5 kids and a wife and let it go. Son, you're like 40 years old, ease up.
...I thought you were supposed to have a mid- life crisis in a porsche or something, y'know, get something ridiculous. Don't be sensible and get a mini- van, and then get something ridiculous after the fact! Why would you want some 12" rims anyway?! Damn, folks need some perspective in their lives for real...

Okay, I'm disturbed. Has anyone seen the Mrs. Piggy version of the now infamous Janet Jackson nipple flash? Yes, I said Mrs. Piggy (seeing as though she and Kermit got married), hence the reason I'm disturbed. Not because she married Kermit smart ass, but because IT'S MRS. PIGGY YOU FrEAKS! Dude, is nothing sacred? Mrs. Piggy??? Why would someone take the time to make an actual picture of Mrs. Piggy's nipple? Too much time on your hands buddy, although I shudder to think what you do with your hands when they aren't doctoring pictures of muppet pigs jacked from Pizza Hut™ commercials. Don't get me wrong, shit was funny...funny as hell. But, you couldn't use an actual person you perv? You had to sully the muppets, the source of happiness for children everywhere? And I know it was a guy. Some lonely computer geek, glasses and all who sits in front of the computer all day with no real focus...waitaminute, that's starting to sound like me. But alas, I did no such doctoring, ergo (take that Amy), it was some other computer geek. Concordantly, I can call 'him" a perv if I want to. Oops, 4:30...time to go...
I'm out Biotch!

What is it that makes us pass certain things along with emails??? Personally, I'm disgusted by the little ">>>>" every frickin' line and the fact that most people don't have the decency to get rid of the countless commentaries and addresses from the forwards of the same joke/ chain mail letter before it made its way around to you for the 8th time, not to mention bullshit chain letters that threaten everything from no sex life to eternal damnation (what a juxtaposition of concepts, eh) if you don't pass them along...and NO, I did not just learn the word "juxtapostion"; but I digress. Wasn't here to talk about annoyances, but to share a joke a friend of mine sent me, fellow illpoet Takia to be precise. I decided to share the joke with you guys, or technically myself since it's my journal, along with my pointless response to the joke. Well it had a point, but I could have called and saved us all the time. I think I decided to do this as an example of how deep into nothing a Virgo's mind will go if not focused or checked. Anywho, here's the joke, maybe you heard it:
4 PARACHUTES


>A commercial airliner is about to crash! There are 5 passengers on board
>but alas, only 4 parachutes!!!
>
>The 1st passenger says, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best basketball player in
>the NBA and the Lakers need me, so I can't afford to die." ....He takes the
>1st pack and jumps from the plane.
>
>The 2nd passenger, Hillary Rodham Clinton says, "I am the wife of a former
>U.S. President, I'm a N.Y. State Senator and a potential future president.
>I must live!!" ....So she takes the 2nd pack and jumps out of the plane.
>
>The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I'm the President of the United
>States of America. I have a great responsibility being the leader of a
>super-power nation and I am the cleverest president in American
>history, so America's people won't want me to die." ...So he grabs the pack
>
>next to him and jumps out of the plane!
>
>The 4th passenger, Bishop T.D. Jakes says to the 5th passenger, a 10 year
>old schoolgirl, "I've had a very good life and since I am a practicing
>Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute my
>child."
>
>The girl says, "Nah, it's okay Rev, there is a parachute right
>here for you!! ...America's cleverest president just jumped outta the
>plane with my book bag."
>
>
>
>

And my response:
Takia,
Yeah, I've seen this joke before; My teacher told it to me in 10th grade. Originally it was a world war II joke with four passengers: An American, Brit, Jew & a Nazi. Of course the Nazi was in the shoes of G Dubya, rather G Dubya was in the shoes of the Nazi in this joke. Strangely ironic juxtaposition, no? So yeah, I knew the punch line. Interesting how people feel they need to give certain jokes a "cultural face lift" to keep them funny. Me being the over analyzing Virgo, I found myself wondering why a Jew & Nazi would be on a plane together; much less making civil speeches regarding why they should live. Let's give it another cultural face lift and insert pookie in the joke. Pookie gon' shoot somebody, damn all the speeches. So, the joke is funny to me, but not because of the punchline. It's funny because I'm wondering why the hell T.D. Jakes sheisty ass is gon be on a plane with Kobe's ass...with G Dubya! Inserting Hilary Clinton and the random little girl make it even funnier. Why not just make it Bill Clinton?

Love, Peace, Happiness, Good Health, Money, & Longevity,
H. J. Lee Bennett, III

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Don't forget to bookmark my sites:
www.leethepoet.com
www.illpoets.com

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Circuit City…can go to hell! Bastards decide to have a CD sale when I’m broke? Oh hell naw! I got 20 plus CD’s I’m tryna cop, and these…bastards…have a sale! Noooo, no…I’m not mad. But they can still go to hell.
NTB can concurrently kiss my ass and go to hell…I took my truck to them on Saturday and left it there for inspection/ possible repairs if needed. So, as I wait to hear from them, I get engaged in a game of Tekken Force, can’t seem to beat the 4th and final level right now, but anyway; I look up, and it’s teetering on 6:00. So I dig up the number because these assholes aren’t in the super pages for some reason. Oh, it’s 6:30 now and we close at 7:00, but your truck is ready. The guy who looked at it left ealy and didn’t say anything. Great. I did get it, though. But, how ignorant.
Verizon Super Pages is some shit…I found myself searching for a number, only to find that certain was in the 2nd part of the super pages. The hell?!
Ahhhh, I’m rally not mad…just been a bit idle, as some things I’m working on need the consent of my supervisor who happens to be in an all day meeting right now. Some people would love being idle at work…I hate it. I like to busy for most of my day; that way I don’t notice the time.
Going to miss the Wizards game tonight…hope they win. We can beat Philly right now with the coaching changes and the fact that Philly kinda sucks right now. I mean, they have AI and McKey, and DC…but that’s about it. Sometimes Van Horn plays well, other times he’s a non-factor. Then again, that’s the story of half the wizards roster.
Okay…more later.

Was listening to the Russ Parr morning show, and they had a black history trivia question that would qualify you for a new Benz and $5,000.
Russ Parr: What year did Harriet Tubman escape slavery and attain her freedom?
Clueless Listener: Ummmm, 19….
Russ Parr: WRONG!
Alfredis: C’mon, slavery was abolished in 1867.
Me: Fuckin’ idiot!

Thought for the Day: If you think that slavery in the United States indeed ended in the 20th century, you Sir or Madame are a slave.
Random Thought #875: Why are refrigerators so special that they have lights when you open them, yet freezers don’t? Surely, it’d be nice to have a little illuminated assistance when droving through the freezer-burned wasteland for that ½ gallon of Breyer’s Ice Cream Parlor Cookies N Cream (which I can’t find anywhere) ice cream at 1:38 in the morning. I am the fat old man living in the skinny young mans body waiting to break out.

I am Jack’s sweet tooth~ Clever rip off of Edward Norton in Fight Club

Okay, had DP of the mighty Poemcees not reminded me via their blog, I would have completely forgotten about Carl Lewis’ rendition of The Star Spangled Banner. Now, we know Roseanne takes the cake, but, Carl’s rendition was undoubtedly one of the worst renditions ever broadcasted in front of a national audience. On the flip side, Marvin Gaye’s rendition is arguably one of the best renditions ever recorded (other favs are Jimi Hendrix, The Jackson 5 and Whitney Houston’s). Ironically, both took place in New Jersey 10 years apart from each other (some recount Marvin's performance as having been in LA, but I believe the recount in his compilation CD "The Master"). Marvin’s was in ’83 @ the NBA All- Star game, and Carl’s was in ’93 at Nets game. I added Marvin, because I had mentioned his rendition not long ago; yeah, I know it’s not even a fair comparison, but I wanted to bring you the best and the worst and parallel them for you enjoyment…and entertainment.
I’ll let you be the judge (you’ll need to have quicktime and windows media players to hear both, which, most of you do, sorry; both are free though):
Marvin                              vs.                               Carl

Enjoy!

My Director: You smell so clean...
Me: Thaaaaanks.

I mean, what do you say to that. I know she meant well, because my director has been nothing but nice; but part of me wanted to ask, "What do I smell like the rest of the time?" In fact, that's an awkward statement all the way around. I mean, Charli Brown said something very much like that to me once after I hugged her @ Urban Energy. What she picked up on (I'm assuming) was the cologne I dabbed on earlier. Although it's a compliment, it just feels awkward to me. Perhaps it's because I'm a wierdo. I'm pretty sure it's better than, "Damn, you smell (insert adjetive here) kid".

Okay...I just found that funny. I know what she picked up on was the body oil I put on today, the Lee (the Poet) signature scent that will be unnamed as to prevent thievery from poets and thespians wishing to seductively allure sultry and sexy mates for self- serving situations...alliteration is so addictive.

Random Crass Thought (I Probaby Shouldn't Post) # 8,362: Coral (check her out in the cast photos link) from The Real World/ The Real World/Road Rules Challenge has a really nice rack. Doesn't hurt that she's intelligent and a cutie. I've got a real world challenge for her ass...oh behave, baby. Hahahaha. Seriously though...she could get it.

My Weekend was…

Having a jacked up stomach knowing I have to make it to Bru’s crib
Saying “fuck it” and going anyway
Kickin’ it with my poetry fam
Raquel’s booty
Seeing Gio & Kom, whom I haven’t seen in forever
A loaded gun being waved at folks and me being oblivious playing Soul Caliber
Trash talking at a spades table
Jarrius and Raq getting stomped quite prophetically by myself and Bru in Spades
Flirting with women in a crass manner and getting away with it because, let’s face it, I have a crass sense of humor
Wierd propositions and hypothetical situations involving one million dollars
Trash cans being sexually assaulted (don’t ask)
Reminiscing on the best cartoons and cereals; Berry Berry Kix rocks
Lamenting over not being able to easily find Berry Berry Kix
Cracking jokes and talking until 6 am
Not going to sleep because Granma needs to go places
Rolling with Granma to Safeway
Finding Berry Berry Kix
Cashier opening as I walk up
Dropping Granma off as happy as a lark
Too tired to fix or eat breakfast
Settling for a shower and hot chocolate
Finally getting to sleep around 12:30pm
Waking up just before four realizing I'm by myself
Breakfast, the first meal in like thirty hours, at 5:00
Getting prepared to be at a big poetry reunion and realizing all your new material is at home
Seeing the “It’s Your Mug” family reunion
Seeing Gio...again
Seeing Taj and Rush, whom I haven't seen in an even longer time than Gio
Telling myself I need to up my performance after seeing the likes of Twain, Gail Danley, DJ Renegade, Patrick, DP, and Metaphor rip it
Dropping two dope pieces with no feeling because I was so damn tired
Not tripping because so was the crowd
Leaving after 11:00
Berry Berry Kix at midnight while watching SNL re-runs
Finally getting sleep
Getting up before I was ready to help a friend
Getting over offended feelings regarding aforementioned friend
Remembering why she is my friend in the first place
Going to see another friend
Going home and finally getting something to eat
Extra long shower after push ups that had been missed all weekend due to extremely jacked up schedule
Watching the Super Bowl with four lovely ladies
Cran-Apple juice and Belvedere
Being secretly bitter because I wasn’t quite paying attention when Janet flashed her breasisss
Getting a call from my sister asking if I saw Janet’s nipple
Hanging up the phone and getting another call immediately after inquiring about Janet’s nipple
More upset I didn’t see Janet’s nipple
Belvedere and Cran-apple juice eases the pain
Getting a pizza delivery from Papa Johns although they said they wouldn’t accept a $50 bill
Finding out the pizza has pepperoni on it
The delivery guy saying he’ll get another one anyway
Bringing back the right pizza and giving me two $5 bills and 25 singles like I’m going to the strip club
Remembering after three slices that pizza and alcohol never mix
The panthers losing in the final seconds
Me still mad about Janet Jackson’s right nipple and piercing
Going to sleep extremely full and slightly queasy
Me waking up wishing I didn’t have the pizza and the alcohol

My weekend was…awesome