Remember When: Judge Reinhold was a name in hollywood?
Remember When: Stephen King move adaptations were actually scary?

Okay, the Michael Jackson thing. I think it's a setup, but, he did shoot himself in the foot last year on that FOX special. A grown ass man shouldn't be letting any child sleep in his bed, much less a young boy...who ain't even his. Furthermore, if Michael were to be convicted, which I doubt seriously (can you say "payoff" boys and girls?), the parents should be tried for negligence and endangering the child. If you knew the guy down the street was an alleged pedophile, would you let your child near them...much less stay over their house alone?! Come on now, the parents should be charged if Michael is proven innocent or guilty, because their irresponsible behavior was the catalyst to all this. Dude, he hung his own child off a balcony, what he gon' do to yours asshole?!
In other events, my high school alma mater, Suitland High School is officially wilding out. There have been allegations of constant fighting and rapes...yes rapes...since last Friday. What is a major factor in this problem...? Overcrowding, man. When I graduated in 1995, the school was swelling to 2,000 students. While I was there, the incoming freshman classes gained about 100 more knuckleheaded teenagers every year. So, I've been gone since '95, it's now 2003, which puts the school population at roughly 2,800 students. All those hormones, in a shitty educational system that's failing...what can folks expect? The other day, there were 15 fights and most of the student body decided to up and leave over an hour before school was over with. They showed students hopping the fence to cut school while a Prince Georges County police officer was ten feet away; that dude had his face on camera too, his superior is probably gon' light his ass up! We need more money, more educators, and more resources to catch these kids up. Leave it up to politicians and these youngyin' gon' fall by the wayside, man.

The first Hot Damn! Award© Award goes to Ki Toy from The Way You Move fame...Banging Beauty with a Big Booty...oh yes, she wins the first ever Hot Damn! Award©:
     

Pictures courtesy of XXL Magazine's November 2003 issue...

Random Qoute #2,653: ...so it was either a U.F.O., or I closed my eyes too hard. ~Midge from That 70's Show

Welcome to another edition of, "How to Make an Ass of Yourself" Okay ladies and gents, this is a real life situation, so a few things you should know.
1. Names of people and institutions have been changed
2. My address and personal information has been replaced with "(---)"...ya'll don't need to know all that.

Tell me what you think on the message/bored.

Scenario: I wrote a letter to support a phone message I left only minutes before, as to have something in writing. I had not been getting any satisfactory responses regarding the issues outlined in my letter. I wrote a letter, ole boy wrote back trying to be fly and sound intellectual, and I fired back murdering every point he made. Folks be acting like a dude can't have command over the english language n'shit...like they the only ones who can speak intelimagently...n'shit. So, here goes...enjoy, and let me know your thoughts....
.............................................................................................
Greetings,
I recently settled on one of the condo units in building (---). Since settling, the joys of homeownership have been rewarding, but, there are some problems that need to be addressed in an expeditious manner. I've decided to email you today for a number of reasons. The first of which is, I have yet to receive a welcome letter or a notice for payment regarding my November condo fees. I find it hard to believe that you have not yet received the necessary information to proceed with getting me my welcome letter. It is my understanding that certain title information is needed before a welcome letter is sent, which leads me to ask, "If you haven't received the necessary information yet, what are you doing to rectify the situation?" Not receiving this letter also means I have not been put in the call box, so, if The Management Company really hasn't received the data they need, then they need to be more proactive in getting it.
Secondly, upon settlement, I did not receive a key to the storage space in lower level of my building. No matter what circumstance has caused me to be without a key to that space, it is The Management Company 's duty to get me a key to that space in a timely fashion. It has been a month since I settled and I have yet to receive a key from your management company. This is unacceptable and can not continue without serious questions of professionalism about The Management Company 's business practices arising. I had asked more than two weeks ago for a key, and was told that The Management Company didn't have any keys for the lower level when The Management Company assumed management duties for (---). However, as manager's of the facilities, it is The Management Company 's duty to obtain those keys. As management, I'm sure a locksmith could have been scheduled to fix this situation in the time you've known that The Management Company does not have keys to the storage space in my building.
Which leads me to my third point: If condo fees are paid by condo owners for specific right and privileges granted on the grounds of (---), should I not pay less for condo fees until this situation is rectified? Not being provided my key in a timely manner is the same as denying me my right to the space allotted to me that I have paid for. In essence, it seems foolish to pay in full for something I only have in part. It is my sincere hope that these issues can be quickly resolved by weeks end.
Sincerely,
H. J. Lee Bennett, III
……………..
I hate to see us get started on the wrong foot, but I must explain that we are the keepers of the official records. It is not our responsibility to seek-out home owners. The law is clear; it is the SELLER'S responsibility to provide transfer documentation. As a practical matter, it is the settlement firm who usually sends the settlement statement. If you are concerned, as well you should be, call them. I cannot merely take your word that you are an owner and begin giving you access to the building or storage rooms. That's a security issue. Provide the settlement statement and you will receive what is due you. Don't provide it and we'll commence collection actions which will ultimately result in a civil judgment against you with possible foreclosure of the real estate. This is the 3rd time you've been told. The situation will not change because it's not up to us to circumvent the legal process. One of the things due you is to have your name in the PACH phone system. We'll take care of that right after you respond to our welcome letter and information sheet. In case it is still not clear, we will not be "proactive" in getting the information.
Would you please provide me with a key to my home? What, you don't have one from which to duplicate the extra? What will you do? That's the position I'm in. My employer is your association and your board of directors. I've asked for two solid years to have a set of storage room keys. I've received keys to all three rooms in 4 buildings. I have not received any for your building. I have no keys from which to duplicate one for you. Your seller should have provided a key to you. I'll email the board again, but I suspect I won't get a response as they, themselves, have no keys and will, I presume, take the position that you should have gotten one from your seller. Maybe you could obtain a key from a neighbor and have it duplicated. I would gladly reimburse the cost of duplication if you provide me with an extra, too. One final reminder; if I had a key, I would not give it to you until you provided a settlement statement and completed our questionnaire.
As for the dues, as long as you live in the premises, use the water, ride in the elevator, drive on the parking lot, walk in the halls and take shelter under the roof, you should pay your condo dues. But, that will be your call. Frankly, my office has spent enough time explaining this to you that we are happy to accept your payments or commence legal action. I do consider myself professional and I know my staff does what it can, but we are not capable of snatching a key from thin air. If that makes us unprofessional, so be it. When my employer knows I need something and fails to deliver it, I am not responsible for the consequences.
Robert Majors
The Management Company
………………….
First allow me to clarify, if you are indeed truly concerned with developing a positive relationship, threatening me is definitely the right way to get off on the “wrong foot”. I never implied I would not pay my condo dues. In fact, I asked you to provide me with the necessary documentation so I could promptly pay my November dues. If you choose to quote, or in this case paraphrase me, I simply request that you do so accurately. What I did say is, perhaps it would be prudent to prorate my condo dues because I've been done a disservice. You yourself said (on my answering machine) that the storage space is included in my monthly dues, so, whatever that amount is should be taken off my dues until this matter has been! resolved. If storage space is $15 of the $162.50 of my dues, would it not be good practice to refund my money for something we both know I don't have access to? Furthermore, I didn't receive a key to the storage space at settlement because the previous owner never had one. In fact, I didn't know that storage space had been allotted for my unit in the building until shortly after I moved in.
Lastly, I was told that you were expecting the settlement letter, and after it was received I would receive paperwork, etc. from The Management Company. The question of good business practice or professionalism, whichever you choose to call it, comes into play when something like not having a key for two years has not been rectified by The Management Company. An issue where you haven't received settlement documentation, when I've received documentation of my Title Insurance just seems a bit odd to me. Please also understand that I never mad! e any reference to your staff in a negative light. I referenced The Receptionist for documentation purposes, but, for the most part, The Receptionist has been polite and professional when responding to my questions or requests.
Now, I'm looking at this from a logical perspective, where as it seems to me you have a bit of disdain in your voice towards me for asking for what is rightfully mine. Now, I'll admit, a security issue is definitely a legitimate reason for some of what you've said. However, if someone were in my building for a month and I hadn't received paperwork that allows me to bill them for their monthly responsibilities (dues), I would indeed be more proactive in resolving this matter. Again, this seems like logic to me, but, business practice may dictate otherwise. I do know that it is rude and tactless to threaten me with civil actions when I've done or said nothing wrong. I've withheld nothing, nor have I expressed a! ny intent to do so. This once again brings up the question of professionalism. If you'd like to respond to this letter, or simply to contact me during business hours, my work number is (---).
…………………………..
He basically fired back with a salty letter, being petty because he needed to have the last word…thusly, further playing himself.

Yes, Mr. Bennett, you did threaten not to pay your dues. You made a passive-aggressive comment, which you have nearly repeated in this email, implying that you should not be required to pay your dues if you don’t receive full services. I’m done dealing with that. You’ll do what you must do.
On Friday, after I made it clear that you would not be recognized as an owner, you forwarded the settlement sheet. Within minutes, your welcome letter was prepared and mailed with the information sheet. Your account has been established and is ready for payment application. Upon receipt of the information sheet, I will enter your name in the entry system. Upon receipt of a master key from anyone, I will duplicate a key to the storage facility. There is a nominal charge for the keys; I’ll let you know what it is at that time.
……………………………………….
Come to find out…all he needed to do was call the settlement company. It took less than five minutes, ya’ll. Now, cast your votes…who’s the ass. Me or Him? Cast your votes and place your commentary on the message/bored today!

Dude, my neighbors above me suck...4:44am...these...dudes...(we all know what dude stands for now right?)...anyway...these dudes start banging around and making all types of noise...contributing to my oversleeping...seeing as though they were still making noise at 6:30...the time I'm to be out the house no later than...that's when I got out of bed...those bastards...

Is it possible to have a live action rendition of a popular video game and it still be good? Let’s recap some of the contenders:

1. The Wizard- featured Fred Savage when he was still marketable as the friend of a Super Mario Bros wiz kid. Shameless marketing of the Nintendo platform…wasn’t supposed to be good, but was supposed to cement Nintendo as the premier game system…which it did (Atari and Caleco would’ve looked silly trying to do a live action version of Frogger or Pac Man).
2. Mario Bro’s- Fetaured Bob Hoskins of Roger Rabbit fame and a young John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi respectively. Poor movie, poor box office returns.
3. Double Dragon- No comment.
4. Mortal Kombat I & II- Big budget spin of the popular video game. Script sucked, but the action was decent. The strongest point in the movie was the costumes. Them joints were dope. The most offensive point of the movies was making the only Chinese (thunder) god, Raiden, white. Hollywood and it’s ego, boy.
5. Resident Evil- Critics didn’t give this joint any real love, but it obviously was good enough to sanction a sequel which will be coming out early next year.
6. House of the Dead- I heard this joint was garbage, by somebody who liked Jeepers Creepers. I think it had to have been pretty bad, then…

Femi,
Son, of course I want to hear that Van Ghoh, man. I'll holla fam.
One

I was conversing with a co-worker of mine a few minutes ago (Amy), and she was saying that it seems that if you're rich and famous, you get carte blanche to be an asshole and the rules that apply to common man don't apply to you. I asserted that that's 100% true. In fact, the only people who ever get jail time for their actions are if you're Bobby Brown or people associated with the rap industry. Think about it...Capone, Keith Murrey, Suge Knight, 2Pac, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Trick Daddy, Luther Campbell, Slick Rick, Flesh N Bone (this cat stays locked up)...
But, if you're a rock star, sports star (regular athletes can get it too), or a Hollywood celebrity, you're immune. Think not? Let's review shall we?
O. J. Simpson- If he ain't do it, he knows who did. But we're all pretty sure...that mufucka did it!
R. Kelly- Video evidence that mufucka did it. Multiple incidents and angles of alleged pedophilia, yet he is probably making more money now than ever in his career between the Chocolate Factory LP, the remixes, and the guest production (Marcus Houston, Nick Cannon, B2K, etc.).
Robert Downey, Jr.- Among his many drunken and drugged out offenses, dude was caught ass naked in somebody's house he ain't even know. Breaking and entering and indecent exposure.
Martha Stewart- Insider trading, caught post-Enron when everybody is mad sensitive about corporate nonsense. She's still cooking on her show every day.
Rob Lowe- Did porn, I believe with an underaged girl. Has recently been on two TV shows, most recently The Lyon's Den, and NBC's hit, The West Wing
Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens- Decided he'd take it upon himself to masturbate on stage in front of an entire theatre of perverts who were already masturbating to the porn that was playing right behind him. "Hey, is that Pee Wee playing with his wee wee? Wow, that's an awkard moment...I'm done here."
Kobe Bryant- He'll walk...and his wife will divorce him shortly therafter citing public embarrassment and scrutiny as one her primary reasons. She'll take him for about 60% of his worth and get a ridiculous amount of dough for child support per month (Will Smith reportedly paid $20,000 per month before he got custody of his son).
Marilyn Manson- Reportedly urinates on "stoked" concert goers.
Alyssa Milano- Did porn...hmmm...never mind.
Hey speaking of which, I heard that a long time ago, Thelma from Good Times did a flick...say what you want, I'd have to see that joint. What?! Half ya'll jokers not only saw the R. Kelly debacle, you own(ed) a copy!!!! And what?! Back me up Bru, Thelma from Good Times...bucket nekkid...am I wrong? I mean c'mon folks, we grown right? Well, you in the back, you're not...what are you doing here?! Yo mama know you been sneakin' in here...oh yeah, well how bout I tell her anyway? Excuse me ma'am...

Okay, so as many of you know, I go to the grill downstairs every morning to get an egg and cheese bagel. So, as my usual routine, I traipse in right before eleven, as they promptly stop serving food at 11:00:01, and attempt to order my usual. The grill guy, knowing what I want, smiles and says they have no eggs. No eggs? I'm thinking to myself, how does such a thing happen? Surely, when you get down to a couple of cartons, one would think to order more, right? Then he says it, "Call next time". Huh? I mean granted, I do call if I lose track of time and I don't think I'll physically be there to order before 11:00. But what, I'm supposed to call in advance like, "Hey yeah, this is Lee (cause they almost always no who it is...seeing as tho' I'm probably the only wierdo calling at 10:58 asking for an egg & cheese bagel to go), I was just calling ahead to reserve some eggs. Don't want you running out before I get down there in three hours or so..." Not bloody likely. Comical. Cute. But, ain't happening...ever. Funny thing is, the ladies at the cash register said the same thing... Don't know what you hear, but it's reallly not that deep. I don't feel I have to call ahead just so I can give ya'll $2 every morning, but thanks for the thought.

If words were indeed a plentiful palette of food,
profanity would be the spice to give poetry the right amount of kick...

BAM!~ Emirel

Hormones goin wild
All these beautiful women
Celibacy sucks

WOW. This was one of the most sobering films I've seen in my entire life! This should be mandatory material for every high school in Amerikkka man. Seriously, everybody should have to watch this video, ya'll. It puts so much in perspective it's ridiculous. It was wonderful to see something done by a white man that captured many of the sentiments that I have as a black man. That feeling of, "Okay, somebody knows what's going on...everybody isn't pretending to be oblivious." The subject matter that was tackled, and how it was approached and executed will leave you speechless. If you have not seen or heard of this movie, you simply must see it immediately. Parents need to sit down with their kids and have a dialogue about this... After all, that's what's really affecting our kids more than anything right now: No dialogue. Nobody talks to our youth dog, they talk about them and around them. They fear them, shy away from them, persecute them, but never talk to them. Kids of this generation have no emotional ties to the civil rights era, which is a travesty in itself. Before I go on another tangent and open up a large discussion, please, take the time and see this movie. The entire premise of the movie (it's really a documentary) revolves around guns and fear. That subject matter ties in everything from the Columbine High tragedy to the Iran Contra affair. It's deep, ya'll.

Peace (for real!)

Saw this on MSN.com and thought is was kinda cute...

1. She comfortably hovers in your personal space
This is a no-brainer signal that you're dug, but you have to be careful not to misread her actions. Maybe she brushed up against your arm because she craves to touch you. Then again, maybe she tripped on the sidewalk. How to tell for sure? Look for cracks in the pavement. If the walkway is smooth, you're good to go.

2. She giggles
It's surprisingly simple to tell the difference between a giggle and a laugh. A laugh is louder — and easier to fake — whereas a giggle is quieter, more sincere and often accompanied by a blush. Given their druthers, most women would eliminate giggles from their arsenal because it makes it obvious that they dig you; and, as noted, that's uncool.

3. She sits through a basketball game with you
This is kind of a stereotype — not all girls hate sports, and many thoroughly enjoy quality hoop-age — but if you're on date number three and she parks herself next to you on your couch to watch the Nets paste the Cavs, you're in good shape.

4. She gets royally peeved when you gawk at another woman
In general, it's incredibly rude to check out another girl when you're on a date. If your girl isn't into you, she'll likely let your gawk go with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. But if she is into you, expect a growl and possibly an elbow to the ribs.

5. She doesn't yell when you do gross guy stuff
Spitting, burping or farting in her presence is a tragic no-no, at least until you get married. But if you happen to slip, and she doesn't scream, "You pig!" she probably has a soft spot for you.

6. She goes with you to hear your friend's roommate's crappy band
The irony is that you probably don't even want to go hear your friend's roommate's crappy band. If she tags along without complaining, that's impressive.

7. She makes out with you for three hours
Well, duh…

This week has been so long and drawn out, mainly because I had to come into work on Sunday for six hours to help prepare for this big conference my project had organized. So to me, Thursday felt like Friday, so I'm kinda reliving today, but not I guess. I don't know...
On another note, I saw last weekend that one of the major networks are bringing back The Littles. Have to be an 80's child to remember that cartoon. Which actually leads me to ask, "Why that cartoon?" It wasn't particularly popular, nor did it have a big fan base. Why not revive something that was obviously popular, like the Smurfs. Now, I really didn't like the Smurfs, but they are definately an icon for 80's youth. Whatever...just thinking.
Well, ummm, for those who've seen the Matrix, because they didn't have to work on Sunday so they aren't more worn down by the time it came out...you suck. But, I mean that in a playful way...not the Las Vegas way. Although, if you do actually suck in the Las Vegas way, that's your business and none of my own... Okay, Lee, you obviously have nothing worth while to write. Hmmm, Alanis Morissette early in the morning isn't that bad...Alanis rocks, man. Zapp in the morning, or the Gap Band ain't bad either...I highly recommend it.

"Okay lady, I love you bye-bye." ~Mindy from Animaniacs

...Oregon Trail was the shit?! "Maggie has typhoid. Sarah has dysenteria. Maggie has malaria. Maggie has died."
...The Fresh Prince of Bel Air first came on the air?
...Mr. T had a hit TV show, cartoon, and cereal? What?!
...Smurfberry Crunch was out??? Dog, word to mova, son, that shit was good, son. For real, son.
...Transformers: The Movie came out in all it's animated glory...ripe with profane rants from the likes of blur, Jazz, and even little Spike...only to get the joint on video (at long last) to find that all the profanity had been removed, leading those who hadn't seen it in the theatres to believe that you were lying and made the whole thing up? Huh, awwww shut your yap...you know you went to see it too!
...Tribes joint, "The Scenario" first dropped? Dun dun Dunn d- dun dunn dun..."Here we go yo, here we go yo, so what the what's the scenario..."
...You saw Breakin I & II, Beat Street, and Krush Groove in the theatre, and vowing to bcome the greatest rapper/breakdancer the world had ever seen?
...The Sega Genesis first came out an it featured ground breaking sound and graphics like "alta Bees", excuse me, "Altered Beast"?

My Step-father (who's over 60 years old) telling me he rolls like that, referring to his new chrome 22's for his Yukon. What makes it even funnier is the fact he isn't doing it because they're "in", but because he genuinely likes stuff like that (being the car freak that he is). Chrome has been a big part of auto history fo decades now, but was more popular back in the day for fenders and grills and what not. Utterly comical.
"Yeah, I roll like that...I got the bling- bling." Papa Step

Me'shell Ndegeocello's new CD is dope...

My new place is great...still need some of the basics, a microwave, a phone with a cord (in case the power goes out), batteries for remote controls and flashlights (in case the power goes out), and blinds, a better set of tools, etc...but I'm not complaining about any of that. I will however take this time to vent about the slew-footed fucker above me. Aaarggh, there is no end to the incessent trudging about above me at ungodly hours for no other apparent reason than to annoy me. What could you possibly be dragging back and forth at 3 o'clock in the morning...on a work day?! 4:30 in the morning it started today...heavy feets trolloping forth and back, back and forth in eratic spurts. When it happened on last Monday (when I was sick), it went from 4;30 to almost 7 in the morning. Running back and forth, the same set of heavy feets. Dreams of Kunta Kinte hobblings flooded my head I'm sure at some point.
Dude, last thing you want to hear when your not feeling well is noise! I've been trying to wait for like a minute, just so I can say..."Pardon me, I'm your neighbor benaeth you,. and for the last month...) I don't think I can make a month, now though. Honestly, what for?! If it happens tomorrow, I'm going up there...ain't like she can be like "what are you doing at my dooor at 4:30 in the morning?", trick, I know you're awake...I hear it when your heavy footed ass gets out of bed! The kicker is, she makes all this noise despite having carpet... How in the he...? I am so tired right now... When I go home...I'll hear heavy feets... The evening, it's annoying, but my sleep shalt not be fucked with! (sigh)
Damn it's only 9:00...I need to take a nap...maybe I'll use my lunch break to sleep or something. Hmmmm. I'll holla!
After I Sleep,