Phone: Ring...Ring (it's a phone, what else was it supposed to do?)
Me: Good afternoon, this is Lee Bennett, III, how may I help you? (I'm at work, what do you expect me to do?)
Caller: Hey, this is [*****}. You know, if the class is too slow for you and you don't want to show up tomorrow, we won't hold you accountable.
Me: What, are you kicking me out of the class?
Caller: No, but some people were a bit bothered by your...
     *coversation was shortened...I'm sure ya'll get the picture...

Wow.
Admittedly, I behaved a bit of an ass, although unintentionally…for the most part. The deal? Weeeeelll, okay, here goes. I enrolled in an on-site Dreamweaver MX course, hoping to perhaps glean a few nuggets of information on something I didn’t know in the program. For those who don’t know, Dreamweaver is the HTML tool for building websites…in a nutshell. Consequently, it’s also what I used to design this website, and add my adjustments to this particular template for that matter. Anyways, when I got to the class, I realized that the text was very basic, and I was obligated to sit through it for two days, three hours a piece for two days, to be more accurate. So, in the beginning, I may have been a bit snide because I had the instructor before, and she found it amusing to throw her sarcasm my way. Now in all fairness, in the previous class, it was playful on both ends…but I hate crawling when I know how to walk. So, today, I retorted to her dry humor with some of my trademark sarcasm…nothing to sharp, just the “back off” type of sarcasm I can throw out when I’m not in the mood. In all fairness (how many times have I said that already…), I have been in a very awkward place emotionally lately, so my temper has been very short at points. Not my character to be short tempered, but it has been happening a bit lately. Not that I lost my temper, but I just wasn’t in the mood to be bothered…and I hadn’t eaten. That can be a danger sign for me, because that’s the main cause of me being moody…that and being extremely tired.
So…we have our scenario. The short end of the story is basically that if she said something that needed qualifying in my eyes, I would interject. Now, some of it is my compulsive nature, and some of it is because I used to teach myself, but right is right. If you say put a picture in your web page, but don’t mention what type, I feel I need to say something. Not to be a smart ass, but so people know.

Me: Oh teacher, what type of format do you use for pictures on the web?
Teacher: Now should I even answer that, because he’s being sarcastic…
Random Student…we’ll call him Mayor West from The Family Guy: No…don’t answer him.
Now, I wasn’t being sarcastic, but I said it in such a fashion in an honest attempt to not be disruptive or disrespectful. In hindsight, that shit was a bit extra, but, this is the diary of the socially retarded…as you may have noticed above…

Thing about teaching is not just teaching what people don’t know, it’s anticipating what they don’t know to ask and accommodating that as well (hey, I like that...I'll keep that). That’s all I was trying to do…for the most part. The teacher seemed to get a bit snippy towards the end. I think she took it as me trying to show her up, or I didn’t like her…which one, shouldn’t matter, and two, is not the case. She seems cool; in fact, she reminds me a great deal of a good friend of mine by the name of Vanja. But, in all fairness (yes I said it again, damnit), don’t be Vance smarty pants and define something I know the definition to, be wrong, and then put me out there on some “Am I right, Lee” business.
You know people complained about me…because I knew the answers. They looked at it like, “This guy is a know- it- all, he thinks he’s the man.” Naw mufu, I know I’m the man, but besides that, you’re wrong. Coming from a place where I’ve seen people not know what they’re doing, not give you everything they can/should, or are off base, sorry if I say something. I’ve seen it in high school, college, and when I taught. Shit, I’ve corrected people with doctorates! If you ever met my mom’s, that how she does, so I get that from her. If you come out wrong, I’m speakin on it. Shit, my mom’s still corrects my grammar, even when she knows I’m playing around. She corrects grown folk… And don’t get me wrong, for teaching the material given, shorty has done her thing for the most part; but I also know that people by nature tend to hold reverence for a teacher similar to that of God, as if the teacher is infallible. Shit…I’ve said some wrong shit to my students…and if they called me on it, I have to check myself. But, if something is said in a field you are unfamiliar with, you tend to adopt that thought until you create your own. So, if something is said that’s off…shit, I can’t say I disagree? I ain’t even get into details most of the time:
Teacher: Frontpage is good for beginners…
Me: No, frontpage is terrible…
It might be a bit unsettling, but many folks who use HTML editor’s, most of them hate frontpage because it adds its own html code to whatevr you do. So, if I had said nothing, somebody may have been inclined to buy Frontpage and then wonder why their work arbitrarily comes up funny. But whatever, man…
I played my part…and I can admit I was wrong in the manner in which I did it. So, I’ll be going to the class tomorrow because I have a right to be there like everybody else. I’ll sit down, and if I don’t get any funny commentary from anybody, I’ll most likely apologize to the instructor and the class. After which, I’ll say little to nothing. So, in case folks piss me off tomorrow, and principle and pride skew things…let me offer my sincerest apologies right now to any and all who were disturbed, bothered, agitated, or offended by my actions.
Peace.

Okay, here’s the deal, I paid Progressive the last $310.39 that I owed them on my policy, as I totally don’t fuck with Progressive and wanted to never ever pay them again. So, I paid them online via e-bills through my bank. The line of thinking on that is, no envelopes and stamps, or post mark dates to worry about. I tell the damn thing when they can have the money, and my bank keeps an electronic tab of anything I pay through e-bils, which is better than a check book. Anyways, Progressive got the payment on the 19th, how do I know this…? Because my e-bill account told me, oh, and the shit was deducted from my checking account. So, why is Progressive telling me my next bill is due in November?! Huh??? Uh- uh….naw mu’fu…get that shit straight! So, I call these jokers, and they tell me the reason it hasn’t posted to my account is because the names are different (my e-bills joint uses one of my middle names, Lee, while Progressive insists on using my first name…which nobody else does…in fact, I told them on more than one occasion I don’t use my first name and they were all like, “We have to use your first name in the system”, as if the system is going to know the fuckin’ difference. Buncha degenerates). So, these assholes tell me they’re not going to post my payment to my account, and they’re going to send me a refund check back, so I can resend the money. What the fuck?!?!?!?!
First off, nice try asshole, but….ummmm, the last six payments prior to this one were from my e-bills account and I never had a problem with my name then. I told them, “If Martha Stewart wanted to pay my account off, as long as the money is there and my account is showing up, it shouldn’t matter whose name is on the check.” That refund check business was completely ignored, because it was to stupid to repeat aloud. Come to find out, geniuses in accounting seem to have posted my payment to somebody else’s account…great. That means, they’ve fucked up my checking account with automatic bill paying, because they wanted to keep deducting money from my account a month after I told them to stop. They’ve failed to give me insurance cards the last two times I’ve renewed, and now this. Oh, and them taking five weeks just to get me a check when my car was broken in to. Never get Progressive, ya’ll…they’re the worst. I mean, you’re going to send me my money back because you’re not sure whether or not it’s me and then ask me to send you the money right back?! Send me a refund check, and that shit might get spent, y’heard me playa?

Chivalry... Hmmmm. Ya Think... it was just a ploy to look at a woman's ass as she passes by? Just thinking.... Honestly, it's a pretty good incentive sometimes, especially since many of the chivalrous acts performed nowadays aren't for ladies because a lady would at least say "thank you".

Erykah Badu’s Cd is….:nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-so- so. Nowhere near Mamas Gun status. That joint plays like a mix tape more than an LP. The jont only had 10 tracks, man. To have folks waitin’ for three years and drop this…I don’t know. It’s Erykah, so it’s listenable. It’s just not in line with the standard she was building. Her first joint was good, but not so good that she couldn’t overcome the sophomore jinx with Mama’s Gun. Yeah yeah, the live CD was dope too, but, it’s a live CD…so, I kinda don’t include that, but I kinda do, y’know? As far as studio LP’s go, it doesn’t fit…Baduizm, Mama’s Gun, and now this? Hmmm…she’ll probably drop a fourth studio album a lot faster, and it’ll probably be dope, so, we’ll see.

Kem is…nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-aight, but not as dope as I was told it was. To be honest, (and I said this when I first heard him) ole boy is really just doin’ what Al Jarreu has been doin’ for years. I’d just imagine that mad folks in my age group may know of Al, but may not be familiar with his work. Al should drop an album now, cause Kem is just taking his business. Kem is a cool little joint tho’, but, he really is ridin Mr. Jarreu’s joint rather hard…in fact, he better have a thank you for this style to Al or I’m clowning.

Is it me, or does hip hop and R&B pretty much suck right now? That in itself is wild, because generally, whenever the economy is jacked up, the music is dope: Reaganomics, the depression, Vietnam war era… I guess the economy has to get a bit worse before the music gets a bit better, huh?

I'm the worst...after all my grandeur and posturing, I didn't even make it to see Jujube Brown like I intended. But, hopefully, some of ya'll went in my place. The weekend was cool, but a bit too brief I think. I did see The Fighting Temptations this past weekend, which reminded me of a cross between Sister Act & The Blues Brothers. It was actually aight, tho'. Montell Jordan (yes Montell Jordan), Mike Epps, and Steve Harvey were mad funny. Very slim on profane language, so old and young alike can enjoy it. Played a lot of Soul Caliber II and Metal Gear Solid II this past weekend, also. For some reason, I can't play games for extenede periods of time anymore. They may hold my attention for a few hours, but I don't really feel motivated to beat them for the most part. I haven't beaten GTA III yet, but I play it off and on all the time. It's a pretty good stress reliever. In fact, I din't really start beating missions in that game until I had the game for 3- 4 months, I was more interested in driving by and spraying gang members and hitting cops across the head with bats. Something I'd never do in real life, but in the surreal world of video gaming, why not?
Finally saw The Hurricane...good movie. That dude Lezra had a terrible rendition of a New York accent tho'...just...terrible. Oh, got my ball on in the gym yesterday. Still mad rusty, but at least I was out there. I'm going to be getting back into old form soon, man. Just another couple of months and it's on again. Nothing to really write right now, so I'll come back later, okay?
Aight...one.

Save Jujube Brown...@ The Kenndy Center 2nite! Only $20 so holla! W. Ellington Felton, local superstar & illpoet doing his thizzle after the show, so make sure you go. He may have some copies of his newest blazer, Blutopia, so bring some dough with you.
Eye Will Holla!

"The water is green
It's falling from the sky
and I like cherries"

That's what a co-worker of mine thinks of the message/bored posts ya'll put on my site. The funny part is, shorty was just rambling when she was clownin', but she came up with a haiku and probably ain't even know it. Ironic, no?

Aight, first of all...Big ups to Lynn, Tahzsa, and Bru for the hilarious birthday shout outs. Lynn decided to call my cell phone @ 12:00am, Bru left a funny ass post on the message/board? and Tahzsa (get well soon sweetie) left me a funny ass e-card message (click here to see).

Thoughts...(cont'd):
2. Remember When: Cliffhangers first came out (glow in the dark race track cars).

3. Ya Think...?: I’ve been listening to that “Stuck Like Glue” song from Sean Paul, and I’ve officially decided that he’s trying to dominate the world with mind control. How so? Well, he speaks in a really monotonous voice that can entrance the average club-goer or chicken head in a matter of seconds. Have you ever really listened to how boring and unenthused he sounds, man? Ya think he’s a robot? I do…I really do.

4. What is the cause of the thorough “wipe- flush- wash your hands- and have to go again” phenomenon? Aaaarggghh! I hate that. I know TMI…but don’t sit there for a minute and fake like you’ve never had that shit (no pn intended) happen.

5. Who do we thank for the dark skinned chick with the ridiculous phatty in the new OutKast video (shorty in front of the green low- low)? Gooood God!

6. Remember When: Your parents would be trippin’ when you were little, talkin’ ‘bout, “…a $1.06 a gallon?! Gas is getting expensive.”

7. Welcome to another installment of the new Leethepoet.com exclusive tangent series (insert dramatic dun dun dun dunnn sound here):
(In your best echoish sci- fi booming voice...) You May Be Ghetto If...
People...You May Be Ghetto If... : You use hot sauce instead of chocolate sauce or whip cream during foreplay.
(Applause and Laughter)
Thank you thank you thank you...please join us next week for another exciting and original installment of...
You May Be Ghetto If...

8. If Ja Rule and Fabulous have so much loot, why can’t they get their teeth fixed? I mean, Nas did, right?

9. My mom makes the best cakes in the world, man. I got a from scratch german chocolate cake, whoooo! Great stuff, man. Had to get a decoy cake made so folks wouldn’t try to eat mine.

10. I told myself when I was younger I’d be rich @ age 27…although I pushed it back two years (‘cause of teaching), I still have to make moves for real.

11. Save Jujube Brown (formerly The Hip Hop Nightmares of Jujube Brown) will be @ the Kennedy Center this Friday for two shows, 7:30 & 10. The jont is $20 and worth every penny. Those who’ve never experienced Hip Hop Theatre before, or who have never experienced Psalmayene 24 do his theatre thizzle should make this a high priority. Fellow illpoet, W. Ellington Felton will be performing after the play for his legion of fans. I’m so there!!! You can find out a bit of info by hitting up The Kennedy Center online.

12. With the recent revival of Ren & Stimpy on Spke TV (formerly TNN), Ya think there may be a revival of The Family Guy on the horizon?

13. Why the hell have they brought back Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?! With the revival of He- Man, GI Joe, Transformers, Strawberry Shortcake, etc.- does this mean that TV & Toy execs have no idea what to sell kids?

14. Remember When: Caller ID was new technology?

Hmmmm, I had planned to be at work today, but...it ain't quite work out like that. Thought #1: Don't eat left over fried fish late at night. Almost made it out the door this morning, a bit late, but I wouldv'e gotten to work around 7:00a still. Not the normal 6:30 arrival, but not bad. Didn't make it out the door because my body sought vengeance from last night (if you're lost, ponder Thought#1 for a bit). By the time I was actually fit to leave, I wouldv'e been in the thick of rush hour, which is why I leave early in the first place. Sooooo, no work for me today!
I owe many wierd and uncouth thoughts to you guys; I was thinking of doing 26 of 'em, on some as many as my age type stuff, but that may be over kill. There should be some "You May Be Ghetto Ifs..." in there, along with some "Ya Thinks?" and "Remember When's?" in there too. Some of it will be crass I'm sure, but hey would you expect less from me? I felt I should warn you tho', as some may involve specific bodily functions, but hey, whatever. Let the good times roll, right? So, I guess this serves as the prologue or the preamble if you will for tomorrow's journal entry, huh? I guess so... Well, I'll see you guys then, okay? Riiiight...
Peace!

Okay, for those who happen to wander past my site on a regular basis for the purpose of reading my daily pontifications, I feel it necessary to thank and/or blame two people in particular (depending whether on or not you actually like my journal...like I care....cause I don't, y'know...I don't care...oh, please like me). Drew Anderson and Bassey Ikpi are/were the jokers that got me thinking, I could do that. Never thought folks would actually tune in and read, though. Drew's is so damned funny because that guy actually talks like he writes, which I also do. Bassey, is funny because she's a frickin' chameleon. She'll go from a vague 80's reference to European culture to straight ghetto shit in like 15 seconds lat. I like that. Plus she's a little cutey. Literally. I have this thing for little cuties. Just take 'em and put in your pocket cute, y'know? No? Okay, that's cool...pretend I didn't say that then.
So anyways, both of the aforementioned jokers are poets, so that's also cool. Occasionly, a poem will get thrown between the laughter…it’s like reality tv for the web surfer…except it not tv…because t’s the web…That makes absolutely NO sense…or, does it (pinky to the mouth a la Dr. Evil)?
Switching gears…Nicole, you are very bad…very bad. Good hearing from you tho’ shorty, glad we cleared the air.
Earth, Wind & Fire rocks… Dare I say they are the black translation of The Beatles? Although honestly, they can outplay, sing, and perform the Beatles in their sleep probably. Can’t front though, the Beatles laid it down, man. Oh…see, I’m listening to E, W &F right now @ work, so that’s why I mentioned them. Sometimes forget that folks are not in my head, and I do actually have to elaborate on my sometimes abstract thoughts.
Tahzsa, thanks again for the e-card…I’ll post the link tomorrow with some random thoughts throughout the day. That’s love for real…
I’ll catch up with ya’ll later…oh, here’s Bassey’s most recent journal entry. Hilarious, especially because I just got off the phone with AOL on some similar shit. (sigh) I’ll holler.

Ever get pulled into a conversation or discussion you have no desire to be in, and can't quite figure out how to politely excuse yourself from? Yeah, man, I hate that. I'm feeling like I feel forced to smile while I listen to something I really don't connect with. Not that it's not funny, or clever, or whatevr...just, I'm SOCIALLY RETARDED DAMNIT! I'd like to be left alone now, I'm feeling vulnerable.

Finally copped Prince Paul's latest joint, Politics of the Business. See, I highly respect Prince Paul and his oddball ways, not to mention all he's done in and for hip hop, yet I don't see myself copping a bunch of his shit. Don't know why... However, fellow illpoet and all around dope artist, W. Ellington Felton is on the CD with K'Alyn playing the guitar. That said, the joint is pretty hot, and it's funnt as hell...but then again, would you expect anything less from Prince Paul. Dave Chappelle is a fool on this joint...
I'll Holla

Remember When: Oaktown 357 was riding the wave of success created by the then, M.C. Hammer?
Remember When: Hammer dropped the M.C. prefix from his name? As if that was going to affect his ability to rhyme. Actually, it's better that he did, seeing as tho' he was never an emcee...he was an entertainer.

Is it me, or does the light skinned cat from 50¢'s "P-I-M-P" video look like a a thuggish rendition of Craig David?

Okay…I had also wanted to expound on the sheer entertainment of watching “The Bad News Bears” last night. Sure, I had seen bits and pieces when I was little, but had no idea how off the hook those kids were. Dude, this movie had nine year old kids talkin’ about birth control, showed kids smoking, drinking, and cursing…and adults cursin’ back at they ass. Wow, man. Like I don’t know the rating of that movie, but if they got a PG rating, they got away with murder. In fact, let me look it up right quick.
…
…
Wait…
Okay…here it is…
…whoa! Let me find out! The joint was PG after all. Wow, just cause they had kids playing good ole fashioned baseball, huh? Oh, did I mention the derogatory comments like “How do you expect us to win if all we have is niggers, spics, jews and pansies on our team?” spewing out of a little nine year old runts’ mouth? Yeah, well, they had that too. Now, I want to see the whole series just to see if the first one was the worst, or did they get more hardcore wit’ it as they went along?
To be funny, I might get it for my nephew who will be turning nine in a couple of weeks. Then again, maybe not…

Oh yeah, I remember what I was going to say...! The MTV series, Nick & Jesse is frickin' hilarious!! Sorry Lynn, but I must tell folks about it. Ah, never mind, just catch it on Tuesday's @ 10:30 if you're still coherant. The comedy is, I totally relate to Nick and how he reacts to Jessica Simpson. Which in itself is funny because he's a white guy from the boy band 98 degrees, and I think they sucked...but hey...those two are hilarious together. Oh man, I so sleeeepy...just want to go nighty night, but...I so wired. I'm freakin' wide awake right now, which is wierd...mainly because I'm not, nor have I ever been...a morning person. [sigh] Not long before the office fills up, so I got to keep this energy level up...can already feel it slipping... {sigh...again] 5:30 is so far away, man.

Ya think...?

"My mind's tellin' me nooo!
But my body...my body is tellin' me yeeee- ees
I-I-i don't want to hurt nobody
But there's something I must confeeeeesssssss"

Ya think R. Kelly was tryin' to tell us something back then?