Remember When: That's Incredible was on TV

My Grandfather's Theory on Tiger Woods: Okay, my grandfather theorizes that Tiger is losing on purpose. Sounds crazy? Check this- Anyone who wins a major tournament is obligated to come back and defend his/her title, which means less money. However, with a name like Tiger Woods, not to mention the talent and following he has, why not let yourself be number 2 or 3 in the world for a while and make more money when you're invited. To be invited means they pay you. Who wouldn't pay Tiger to be in their tournament?! Especially seeing as how ratings are highest when he plays and what not?

The reading with the kids went well yesterday. Dangelo and Erica were definitely the hyper jokers out of the bunch. It was cool seeing how they received the book. I think the book can get a lot of love if people check for it. This youngyin' named L.J. was a trip man, smart as hell. The two most well behaved ones were Angelique and Marcellus. Oh, the little lady by the name of Allysa (I believe) was mad funny...kids can be so honest. The story I went to co- read was based on the consequences of your actions. When asked before the story, "Who here behaves?", Allysa blurts out, "Not me...I'm bad sometimes." Not exactly how she said it, but that's pretty much the point. No cut cards...I hope she keeps that; also hope her parents don't try and take that from her.

Priceless Exchange at Yesterday's Reading:
Dr. Saunders (author)- Okay, we're going to have one more question.
Teacher- Erica, do you have a question?
Erica- No, I have something to say.
Teacher- You have a comment?
Erica- Yes.
Teacher- Okay, Erica is going to close out with a comment...she's the last one. (Looking at Erica...) Go ahead.
Erica- Because...if you go with a stranger...he could kill you.
Dr. Saunders- (pausing uncomfortably) Yes...you don't go with any strangers. You only go with people your mommy and daddy say you can go with...
Erica- 'Cause one time...I saw on TV...a man who had picked up a bunch of people and killed them.

Damn people...monitor what your kids watch!

Remember When: Soul Train used to come on Saturday morning or afternoon?
Remember When: The dude with the jherri curl and silver sequence outfit would always be on there breakin' and pop lockin' longer than anybody during the Soul Train Line?

Went downstairs yesterday, for they had a bunch of tables of food set up in my building. See, the owners of my building (The Cafritz Company), do things like have people come and set up shop in the lobby of the building to sell books all day. Yesterday, they had a barbecue of sorts. It wasn't a soul barbecue 'cause wasn't no hot sauce, heinekins or corona's, but...there was a grill and baked beans. So, we'll let 'em slide. Ya'll my folks, you know how we do. Potato salad, turkey burgers, hamburger, hot dogs, beef ribs, PORK ribs, baked beans, little hugs, Safeway select soda, hot sauce, y'know...
But anyway's... When I found out about it, I was actually coming in from a fire drill. Funny thing about that was, folks were chillin' during the drill. But, nobody was sure if it was a drill. I am not going to be in a high rise on some 9/11 shit where there's a fire. Hell naw! I grabbed my bag and bounced. Oh, consequently, I finally saw shorty that inspired my Little Mama piece, she's definitely a cutie. Might as well not even talk to her, my intentions at this point are anything but pure. Getting on another tangent, but fuggit, this my tangent series...so there!
Sooooooooooooooooo...Once the fire truck left, I rolled back inside through the lobby entrance...that's when I noticed the festivities being set up. I passed it by at first, not sure what it was for. Once I found out it was free, I of course promptly rolled the fuck back down there. Now, when I went upstairs, I saw the chicken being grilled, and it looked delicious (Wow, do brothas use the words "delicious" often?), but I ain't know if folks were chargin’ for the food on some "I'm a vendor, fuck you pay me!" What's up Drew?
So, when I went back downstairs, all I really wanted was the chicken...nobody knew where it was. I go outside for some, they won't serve it. "We serve the food inside sir". Speaking of which, Sir, call me mu'fu! So I go back inside, and wait at this table where I'm assured chicken will be delivered momentarily. Now, I had already waited in line, only to find I was too late for the current batch. Aight, I'll tide myself over with these tasty cookies I picked up while I wait. Wow, do brothas use the words "tasty" often, too? Some Latin cat, which I'll name Ramon (he looked like he could be a Ramon) drops a tray of pork where the chicken is supposed to be. I ask him what's up with the chicken, and he gets a little short with me, swearing up down that there's chicken on other tables, like I just wanted to wait for ten minutes at this table. Punk mu'fu...I explain I was told chicken was coming to this table, and he told me he would personally look out for me.
Fuck! Okay, more cookies while I wait...these joints are good as shit. Although, that last statement isn't really indicative or reflective of it. ANYWAYS...sheesh, too many thoughts...I see folks outside getting chicken like ten minutes later. SO I go out there, and who should I see...? Ramon! Dishin’ out chicken. When the dudes on the grill see me, they're all like, "No, see, they're starting to come out here". Fuck that, mu'fu Ramon said he was going to look out damnit, and he will or so help me...! I holla at Ramon and refresh his memory. He puts this burnt thing on my plate and I roll. Now, burnt ain't bad in a barbecue sense. See, some cats be on that rare, medium- rare shit... Fuck that! Burn my food, damnit. I want it done....well! I ain't for no tape worms, ecola, salmonella...none of that! Before I bounce, I get the free Ben & Jerries Chocolate Chunk in a cup and get a cone slapped on top.
One. I ain't fittin' to be lookin' like I need to be put on the corner eatin' no damn ice cream cone.
Two. I already saw one cat looking at me, and Homie don't play that shit!
The irony is, the chicken was cooked halfway. Burned on one side, and not too well done on the other. The cookies and ice cream wound up being my lunch after all.

Remember When: The lady with the jherri curl was always standing up on the Apollo, third or fourth row center?
That lady could change the tide at Apollo...She'd make cats cheer even if they were booing if she did her "Lawd have mercy!" hands- over- the- head church thing hard enough. Those that used to watch Apollo, even before Steve Harvey, will feel me on that one.

Welcome to another installment of the new Leethepoet.com exclusive tangent series (insert dramatic dun dun dun dunnn sound here):
(In your best echoish sci- fi booming voice...)You May Be Ghetto If...
People...You May Be Ghetto If... : You take the family to eat at the $10.99 “All You Can Eat” Buffet, and have everybody eat off of your plate.
(Applause and Laughter)
Thank you thank you thank you...please join us next week for another exciting and original installment of...
You May Be Ghetto If...

Whew! That's a lot of tangents...

~fin